Vivald|sSiMo

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Saturday, March 31, 2007
Read if you want!!!!!
why do i feel that this is not turning out to be a good year. feeling miserable all the time. I tot when school was over i'll be fine but i am flooded with more problems and stress. Failed two auditions and feeling not too good about it. sigh not good enough for Asian standards and not good enough for international standards. How do i expect myself to go further if i can't pass auditions. My future is looking very slim right now.

Had a Chamber Sounds performance in the Morning at piggy's ex-school. made loads of mistakes and i feel very irritated about it. Simple music and i can't play properly then how do i expect myself to play those masterpieces. made lots of mistakes for Zeppy's Vogue piece too. sounded like crap on the recording.

I am truly dreaming too far. tooo far for me to reach. at times even, to far for me to even dream. everyone os doing well, passing auditions, getting into presigious schools, wonder when will it be my turn. My turn to feel joy of music.

Make mistakes for POTO constantly. when will i kick this habit of missing notes and playing rubbish. probably i will end up like a musical drop out. probably end up doing another job that requires less talent and playing skill.

My dream is going further and further each day. Each day it is getting tougher to touch the stars. TOday i told those little kids at the performance "I chose to follow my dream to be a musician" did i lie. i really did chose to be one but why am i not happy. why do i feel like giving up. it is easy to say that all will be fine, but it is harder to do.

More gigs coming up, am i up to it? will there be more mistakes? sigh sigh I have to play for a another sextet and feeling worried about that, will i make the group sound bad knowing that the members in ti are like so power pack. I guess i'll just play under the radar. we'll see how it goes. the last thing i need is another mistake. cant take any more of it.

As if my music side is not enough, i have a brain filled with nagging questions, thoughts about someone, dreams that only remain a dream. why do i have so many questions about one person? am i doubtful about that person? or is there something that is going to happen and my heart is warning me? i don't know. I recently have all this day-dreams about this same person. so much so i cannot control it. everytime i am not doing anything, the person just 'pops' in my mind. I have tried erasing the memories but i can't. What are you trying to tell, tell me now pls. i am driving myself mad. I have day-dreams of a happy life with this person. but this is person is just a friend and i know it. and i know that i do not feel anyhting beyond friendship for this person. why why why? why these questions? is this the one that is affecting my playing?? help me pls.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
i have a choice to decide who i like to be around with and who i dislike. I don;t need to tell you my reasons. if i dislike your company i'll do anything to avoid it. not that i hate you, i hate your company. sorry. that is just me. if it bothers you then TOO BAD!!!!! you have become a person of little importance in my life.

CHOWS~


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -5:54 PM-


Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Random
Oh well got taken out of the SNYO concert due to me not attending 3 rehersals. whlist some other ppl with worst attendance get to play. oh well that is just life, can change with a blink of an eye.

Yet another week of POTO this week and last week. not really sian about the music but i guess quite affected with why i can play this well. looking in to it.

Have you been in a situation that what you say is not what your heart wants to say or ask. well it happens to me quite often and frankly getting quite sick of it. ALways feel that i must cater my words or tots to the liking of other ppl around me. then what about my tots and feelings? shuned away i guess.

Met up with an old friend yesterday to do some catching up. talked about the future basically. talked about what we want to do and hope to archieve in the future. then we came to the ever common topic of getting attached. quite frankly until he mentioned it, i did not really think about it. I guess i don't mind NOT getting married or something like that. mainly because i don't see the immediate need for that for many reason. 1.I am not in a finacial position to support her, to get her gifts to bring her out etc. 2.I concentrate more on my music then romnace. 3.I'm afriad that the other party does not understand the things i do and the reason i do it. well there are more reasons but not for the blog hahaha. Anyway our conversation reached to the point of what if you really don't get married forever. hmmm....i'll let destiny decide and guide me in that and of course God's guidance and wisdom.

Well having a CLass Chalet next week.,.. looking forward to it hee hee. can't wait to see Zeppy jump into the pool and then the pool will be out of water hahahahaha.

3 years went by like three days. its weird it feels like i have not completed my course, but i have. after next week we go our seprate ways. archieveing our dreams, goals, schools etc. probably 10years down the road we will meet up. probably. will we stilll know each other...uncertain about that. I have made very good friends in NAFA, people who keep me going when i want to give up, ppl who put a smile on your face when it is not your good day, people who tolerate your bad and good moments.

I'll miss...
  1. the noisy corridors
  2. the pointless conversations we have in class
  3. the constant teasing of teachers in class
  4. constantly annoying Clare in class
  5. our late nights in the school lab finishing up school assignments
  6. Group work with people we are annoyed with ahhahahaa
  7. the wonderful practice rooms where we share gossips. hahaha
  8. the fighting for rooms
  9. the weird classmates i have
  10. the silly questions asked by clare
  11. the Jap hour during counterpoint class
  12. power nap sessions
  13. people falling a sleep and knocking their heads and noses on the table
  14. people coming late to class.
  15. the wonderful friday lunches we have and do homewrok together.
  16. all the RPG days
  17. Vogue outings
  18. Shopping
  19. the study sessions @CCK
  20. the group study for orchestration exam
  21. many many more....

as you can tell there are lots of things i will miss in the school. weird i know. oh well we have to move on in life. who knows onday i'll on of my classmates as a world class soloist or an inventor of somthing maybe the composers will write for movies one day ahahaa that will be cool. hee hee...

Thats all for now hee hee

CHOWS~

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You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -4:45 PM-


Sunday, March 25, 2007
Happy 150th Post...
I desperately need a RESET button!!!!!!!


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -12:08 PM-


Saturday, March 24, 2007
Correct words
Well yesterday was the first show for POTO. Felt very Demoralised after the first act. Not sure why, i guess its becasue i keep missing notes or not giving a good enough sound. Feel very low that everyonelse is doing well and have a bright future which they can actually see. Feel like it is impossible to archieve my dream. Now thinking of studying in those wonderful school overseas is becoming really nothing more then a dream.

What comes easily for others, i take alot more effort to do. I can't give excuses for my mistakes cause indeed it is truly carless mistakes. sigh. not feeling the best of spirits these days.

Somestimes bottling up the things you truly feel and think inside of you is the best. I learnt this the hard way and have learnt my lesson. I should not open my mouth to tell what i really feel cause after past events it is quite obvious we are of different worlds and think differently. i'll learnt to shut myself more from you. It is for the better of the Friendship.

I wanted to get friend a present cause i tot that he/she deserves it. I was thinking about for a long time. never told anyone, never even mentioned it until now. somthing was stopping me from doing so and i was wondering what and why. it is hard to put it in words what i feel about this. so won't until i have the CORRECT words.

Problems keep mounting more and more, not sure how much more i can take. not sure if i can keep it in long enough. not sure how long i will last. I'm reaching my breaking point. I just have to hold on a while longer.

CHOWS~


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -12:34 PM-


Wednesday, March 21, 2007
School is finally over.....
just finished the last of my exams yesterday. It was a sigh of relief knowing that i have gone trough 3 years of education. It felt weird Happy yet sad at the same time. Well i guess my recital went well, i made like a tone of mistakes man. i do hope i get good grades for my recital. You have no idea how i felt when i finished my recital...ending in a beautiful F note....hahahaha

for the past few days i have been in Phantom mood man. ahhahaa sort of getting sick of it already hee hee. oh well have to go trough it hee hee i have to admit it is fun...although i'm stuck in a Hot small dark orchestra pit. hee hee

"Masquerade!!!!! Paper faces on parade....Masquerade...hide your face so the world will never find you!!!!"

well you have no idea how true this is man. I guess i do that most of the time. well to some people of. those whom have no real importance or purpose in my life. Just because i put on a smile does not mean i'm ok. just because i laugh with you does not mean i agree...just because i do not react does not mean i am not fuming inside. You should be careful, i control my tongue for fear of hurting other peoples' feelings...you should too. Hold your tongue with a strong grip, it will make the world a better place to live in.

SOme people i mix with are just plain stupid and idiotic. they take every little thing for granted. I don't need people like that in my life. and i will make sure i get rid of them ASAP. this is when you need a mask. a mask to show them someone they want to see...someone they think i am. but i'm not. Some people in your life are just not meant to know you from the inside. cause y? they are too busy thinking that everything os going by their rules. SOme people do not stop for a brief moment to think weather or not the person next to me is ok. It just takes a moment to realise. When you realise you will be amazed at how many people are in the Same Masquerade party as you are.

lots of things running trough my head all the time. learning each day how control it. control it so i won't hurt those around me.

CHOWS~


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -12:20 PM-


Sunday, March 18, 2007
Tokyo SKa Paradise Orchestra
Had fun yesterday. Went to a not so typical concert ahaha. Yes i went to watch the Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra with Kitty (rocker cat), Zeppy (Rocker penguine) Mimi (conservative rocker) hee hee. hahahaa not bad i would say. the musicians are good and very impressive at some point. the thing that strick me the most is that their ensemble is very tight and solid man. and amazingly INTUNE!!!! why amazing, wll try this, play a proper melody in tune and with no shakes while shaking your Head vigorously from left to right and running around and jumping. hahahaa you will see or rather hear why. hahaha

then with for "supper" at Newton hee hee. did not eat much but we like talked about our NAFA life in year one and i found out new stuff hee hee. i realise i was not very informed then as compared to now hahahaha. it was a fun day...night rather. looking forward to more.

I love the BAch Cello suites man hee hee....

Ok from now on its all the way man to my Recital. Hoping for the best hahhaa.

here are two pic i forgot to update hee hee.... this one is me and one of my many Scandal... hahahhaa ALi and our new friend mr.Penguine Chiew. hhahahaa

Here's the one with the original Penguine meeting his new competitor hahahahahhaaa funny pic hee hee


THese pics were taken as a result of getting bored of doing our Composition work hahaha slacking at the Com Lab heeeheee...Thanks ALi for the Pics.

Well nothing else to blog now hee hee

CHOWS~


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -5:36 PM-


Friday, March 16, 2007
Hahaha....
Last two days was mentally draining. Had the POTO rehearsal and felt very tired. not sure why but i guess its the part about remembering entries, getting the right notes and always watching the conductor. oh well. I'm sure it will be fun once the shows start.

Yesterday had like 8 hours of rehearsal, 6 hrs of POTO and 2 USELESS hrs at SNYO... Y useless well lets just say that people who needed to be responsible NEED TO BE RESPONSIBLE. just because yesterday the conductor was not going to be there, you guys took it as an excuse not to come. When the conductor is not there it is even more important that THE PRINCIPAL PLAYERS need to be there. i mean what the hell man. 4 out of 6 of the 1st player were not there. Yah i know some are dame good la and all not need rehearsal cause you think you are so power pack and all but i think the moment you have no responsibility, no matter how well you play you will not be a frequently hired musician. GROW UP ACT YOUR AGE.

You have a Schedule, USE IT!!!!!!! don't just keep it one side. If you are not coming AS PRINCIPALS MAKE SURE YOUR SECTION HAS PLAYERS!!!!! not just the 2nd players. Come on be realistic.

You were right Andris, we wasted our time rushing down for rehearsal after the long POTO rehearsal. sigh.

People still complain that SNYO rehearsal are becoming more dead, well its the people that make the orchestra not the conductor. we can make it fun if we want to. its not a one man show you see.

oh well. thats that.

CHOWS~


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -8:26 AM-


Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Thinking out loud...
Was thinking about something strange. What if one day, your best friend or close friend or your BFF becomes your partner!!!!! as in BF/GF that sort of thing. What will happen then? As we all may know (or not) that a person is closer to his or her Best friend. I mean you tell your best friend everything (well almost everything). but enough to know you very well. you share secrets, gossips, thoughts, jokes, funny moments, embarrassing moments etc. then suddenly one day that wonderful Best Friend has become your partner. Yes it is true that your other half will become your best friend, but do you or would you tell him or her everything. an arguable point but this is just my view you see.

then when you have trouble with your partner, who do you turn to? your best friend of course. but in the situation that your partner is your best friend? then what? hmm well just thinking out loud. hahaha

What if one day you wake up and you realise that what ever i have been saying is going to or has the potnetial of comeing true. I am afriad. I am not ready to lose a "Close Friend" and gain a GF. I'd Rather the close friend.

Or well just thinking out loud.

Another intersting coverstion i had with a friend.

Person 1: I'd Give up my music anytime for my GF
Person 2: I'd Keep my music no matter what even if it means losing my BF

well two sides to one problem.
well not sure who i will follow but when the time comes then i'll know the answer.

CHOWS~


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -8:04 PM-


Saturday, March 10, 2007
Almost done...
haha Academic exams are over. YEAH!!!!!!!! well next week is going to be another tough week. Got the Phantom rehersals and one more exam but that is like Oral exam (Viva Voce). Then is my Recital....Arghhh.....Still not prepared!!!!!

Random :
That day was the best day of my life!!!! I felt renewed by your presence. Just what i needed, You. Just needed to see you again. Felt good felt wonderful, almost magical. Still the same old you. Good stay that way.

Well nothing much to blg actually. Alot on my mind but can't put it in my blog. some things should remain a secret.

CHOWS~


You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -8:29 PM-


Monday, March 05, 2007
EXAM!!!!!!!!!
well for now this will be my last entry until my exams are over. hahaha. well tomorrow is history listening exam. i know sounds easy, but i asure you its not. trying memorising 9 long concertos. not only that, memorise all the relevant informations like, when it was written, characteristics, composer details etc. Arghhhhh!!!!!! well trying my best we'll see how it goes. then Thursday is Counterpoint exam... arghhh another nightmare man. not very good at that subject. sigh. then finally is my final recital on the 2oth of march. arghh.... not prepared.!!!!! die man. i better start working 4times as hard.

Don't give up now...not after 3 years... this is the final push everyone!!!!!!

VICTORY!!!!!, I have finally found the answer to my nagging question about the Y problem. I am quite pleased about the result of... NO!!!! hahaha well, hmmm actually feeling abit 50/50 about my happiness about the answer. not sure if I'm happy or disappointed. or well. somethings are not meant to be. even while typing this i feel uncomfortable. well don't intend to talk about it anymore mainly because i have not talked about it to anyone, not even my closest friends.

Looking forward to the Phantom of the Opera, celebrations after school, the many Gigs we have....YEAH!!!!!!! oh well till then...

PRACTICE WORK MEMORISE
PRACTICE WORK MEMORISE
PRACTICE WORK MEMORISE
PRACTICE WORK MEMORISE

Would like to go for holiday man... Top 10 places i want to visit:
  1. Vienna-i like i like
  2. Germany-i want to go....i want to study there some day....
  3. Netherlands-i like i like
  4. China- so beautiful the rural and suburban areas.
  5. Japan-yum yum
  6. Korea-yum yum
  7. Hong Kong-shop shop till i drop
  8. Italy-i want to go
  9. London- so ex but nice
  10. Russia-weird but nice hahahaha

sigh only dreaming...

CHOWS~



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