Friday, August 25, 2006
Left.................
SOmetime back, H left the country. FInding it hard with the absence but Life goes on. I think it would be best for both me and her. It is tough not seeing her anymore. I'll find a way around it. Time will heal all wounds....i hope.
Bye my friend!!!!!!
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -10:32 PM-
Monday, August 21, 2006
Price for honesty....
What is the price of honesty? something good you would think. ahhaha well not for me... i got somethink i did not want...silence. amazing how one sentence you passed (an honest one mind you..) can make a person treat you differently.
I regret what i said. Though it might have been honest or just an honest joke, I really regret saying what i said. I'd rather have it like it was before, fun, happy, light-hearted and above all, somehting to look forward everyday. Now all i have is a normal day, nothing big nothing much.
Brush pass without saying a word, steal glances with no meaning, above all No words to exchange.
This is what i got for being honest about myself and to the ppl around me. If this were to happen all the time.... i'd be dead by now.
Should I be honest to you.....?
If it means not talking to you....I'd Rather Lie. That is how important you are to me.
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -10:07 PM-
Thursday, August 17, 2006
You will not know until its gone...
How much do you miss a person?..... have you asked yourself that. We all take our friends for granted...even myself. We do not know know how much thaty mean to us and how much they affect our lives both Joy and Sadness.
All the subtle gestures, a pat on the back, a slap, a giggle, a tear, a hand shake, a smile, a look, or a stare. simple things but have you ever realised how it would be like with out all of these little things in life. well some will feel better, but i won't. I am so dependent of my friends, expression and emotiions, that i become very hyper sensitive to their emotions. the slightest change will leave me thinking.
Cherish the Simple things in Life, cause there is greater wealth in the things we can't buy.
I miss the ppl that are no longer in the orchestra. I never knew it would be so "quite". hmmm, i looked in the ususal places and they were not there. i felt sad during rehearsal. well thats life. Funny how just a person's presence can make you feel comfortable.
yup all i need is your presence to make me feel better. I miss talking to you.
That's just life i guess... asking tooo much will make you feel uncomfortable so i shall not.
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -9:56 PM-
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Interesting words....
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
I found this on Joy's Blog...I read it and fell in love with the words immediatly. I feel that its all true and I think this is my Divine Intervention.
Although its not my words, but i am putting this because i think all of us can learn a thing or two from this.
To all, Happy Reading.... Sorry to all for my weird behaviour.
CHOWS~
PS: Thanks Joy!!!!!
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -9:24 PM-
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Time for a change
wel decided to change the pic form my blog ahhahaaa. I like this pic. she is so preety and Vogue. i love the fact that you can just get lost just looking into her eyes. Becareful yah.
anyway Sorry if I've been acting weird recently. I have alot on my mind. Somethings have been bothering me. Since now many ppl have found my blog and are viewing it, i shall not put somne stuff on my blog, especially stuff about me.
Simple and Deadly fact...Words are strong and carry lots of meaning. Some meanings can be conveyed wrongly and its up to the sender to correct it. I am sorry to have gotten the worng msg. I guess i am just too sensetive.
Words that are so tot provoking and untrue...especially cominf rom a friend.... I think i am nuts.
Lesson learnt....
Lesson understood....
I will be more careful in being honest.
When I tell the truth you think its weird...its and joke....
Then i shall carry on and just lie to you and paint you this fake world....so that you will be happy and thing its normal...
Joyce you'er right.... I do put my mask on...yes very often... thats because i don't have a choice. You are judged wrongly for being yourself.
Tot provoking....Go Figure
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -1:28 PM-
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Ezabelle
yesterday was the SNYO Chamber concert. It was nice and it was almost full house.
It was also the premiere of my work, 'Ezabelle' for Violin and Piano. I think they both did well and I could not ask for more, especially on such short notice. It was a memorable perfomance for me. This will be the only time i here Ezabelle live. until i complete the whole work, it will not be played.
Hmmm was thinking of writing a suite for Lanabelle....hahahaha I think it would be cool. What do you thik Lanabelle? hahhahaaha I'll call it, 'The Astrological Suite' hahhaah it will be 12 short pieces on the Zodiac signs. hahhaa ok?
H is leaving next week. sigh. Life goes on and I have to let go. If i could I would follow her. but i can't.
I was comforted by your smile and felt everything was goin to be fine when i looked into your eyes. Such emotions you caused me. So much hurt. This year has been a wonderful year for me, mainly because I knew you and you were beside me. I will miss all the times we had, all the silly things we did, all the silly games we played. I will miss our weird lunch and the argument between Ketchap and Chilli sauce. I will miss all the jamming sessions we had. I will miss the times where i just secertly stared at you and watched you play so effortlessly. i will miss every part of you.
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -9:11 AM-
Thursday, August 10, 2006
It became annoying....
just came back from another rehearsal for my composition. not bad today i must say. it is getting there. but somehting is wrong. not sure what but something is just not right. anyway, the musician were buging me to tell them who is Ezabelle. well i did not. cause i don't think i should and i will not and i don't give a F***K if it botheres anyone.
they asked me the story behind it and i refuse to tell them, I would have told them if i was sure they would take it seriously. but i just felt they would not. sorry if you are reading this. its the truth.
today Ezbelle was heard in more ways then one. but it was also today that it lost its meaning and i was very upset about it that i just left the rehersal. IT may not mean anything to anyone or everyone but it means alot to me. I think its time YOU start realising what is music and understand the language.
I felt like burning the score and all evidence of this piece. i really feel like doing it. tomorrow it will be performed for the first time. hope it goes well, no promises.
Help me!!!
I am beging to hate Ezabelle .....alot, i really hope she leave soon like real soon....I hope she dies , I hope she burns in hell....I HATE EZABELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rayner';s piece is nice. i like it.
FInding comfort in the things i love only got me mmore probelms....
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -10:13 PM-
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Understood my language for a brief moment....
Yesterday went to Miffie's and Pip-pip's house. For the first official time i heard my piece being played. I have to thankf Pippip for trying my piece and playing it. THNAKS!!!!! well it was not all what i expected but i guess i just wrote rubbish again....yup...yet again. Ike played my piece well..... (hahaa no my piece is priceless haahhaa). I have to say he captured my intentions and brought out the music well. I liked it but for some reason it was not correct.
well heard the whole piece and as i sat there listening, for a brief moment, I saw Ezabelle (H) in my mind. I saw what inspired me to write this piece, I saw the one that captured my heart and my soul. but it was not long before H vanished. For that brief moment of like 10 seconds, I felt like i could not breath, I felt like i was in heaven, I finally could understand the 'Language' that i wrote and what it ment. All this happened for that moment. Oh how i clearly remember that moment. it was short lifed but a wealth of inspiration and hope i felt in me.
If only i feel that way for the whole piece. If only... I have to admit, I liked my musicians interpretations of my music.
H will leave soon and I am starting to really feel weird and becoming crazy. What will life be without H? different for sure. I guess life goes on and i do hope H does not change much while she's gone. Hmmm if she comes back that is. sigh.
I don't wnat my piece to be performed this friday....not sure why but i just don't want it to be performed. sigh sigh. I do intend to finsh the remaing 3 mvts and maybe rededicate it to another person.... but it would be for Ezabelle forever. ...
thats all for now....
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -4:31 PM-
Sunday, August 06, 2006
STOP TAKING MY WORDS FOR GRANTED!!!!! I am sick of it!!!!!! I am going into BLOW UP MODE SOON!!!!!!!
I HATE MUSICIANS!!!!!
I HATE COMPOSITION!!!!!
I HATE EVERYONE!!!!!!!
EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!
I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!
ppl act...
ppl pretend...
ppl bluff....
ppl take things for granted....
ppl take MY words for granted....
I'm LOSING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lost it.....
found it....
Found you....
Now hate you!!!!!!!
the world is dark and cunning....
I shall be like that....
Respect should be given befor it is earned....
READ BETWEEN THE LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SLeep soundly....and never awake....the world in my dream is silent....peace i find.... love i share...hate i banish.... warmth i feel.....never awake, i hope....never.
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -7:30 PM-
Feelin' uncomfortable....
yesterday had SNYO reherasal. not bad. I was having problems allocating the parts. I would like everyone to have equal playing and not have one person do more. still re arranging it....
anyway i sort of heard my composition for like the very FIRST time yesterday. wanted to have a reharsal but nothing could be done. as usual my piece was difficult and my musicians could not handle it. I don't blame them, i guess its just that there is little time left and the heat is on. I am getting sick of my compositions being unplayable and difficult. y can't i write something simple? i feel like giving up but i can't. feel like just not performing my work, but i can't. wish i did not take part. sigh.
Thanks to my musicians who are playing my piece. i appreciate your efforts. =)
i notice that i am starting to get withdrawal symptoms of H. I notice i am gettign further and further apart. i ahte this feeling but it is for the best. I am finding comfort in someonelse but even that i need stop.
YOu wore a mask and talked differently that day, i felt weird that is why i also put on a mask and made you feel weird. be proud of yourself and don't be ruled by the ppl around you but rather be yourself...things flow better....especially conversations. Sorry for my reaction, i was not feeling good about it so i put on my mask.
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -1:25 PM-
Saturday, August 05, 2006
You will not realise until its gone.....
Well i realised recently that many ppl have found my blog hee hee.... well its ok.. WELCOME!!!!!!!!! anyway few rules: What I say in my blog is my words and I don't really care what ppl think so don't bother. follow the crowd...read with an open mind THANKS!!!!1 enjoy your stay here.
Had the NAFA sports day yesterday and it was ok lah. better then last year for sure. well i had fun with my classmates and schoolmates. i will give a proper update soon. well as soon and ANGELA gives me the pic and video...(hint hint) hahahahaa
I also would like to thank JOy from SNYO for your surpport and company during SNYO reherasal. I really appreciate the little chat we had. i felt better after talking to you. i was really flipping out about my composition. thanks gal. will buy you Pocky on today hahahahaa... CHocolate?
My compo premier is on friday and frankly speaking i am not all that excited. i guess its becasue i have not herad my musicans play it for me yet. i feel uncomfortable. I hope they practice and do their best. I appreciate their contribution in playing my work. THANKS (if at all you guys happen to read).
Someone gave me a present recently. not sure y? weird ppl. but Thanks alot, made my day. I think i should get you something back again.... i think should.
thats all for now.
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -11:27 AM-
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
YOu are Invited...
Welcome Readers.....
You are graciouslly invited to a Masquerade Party... Yes you read it correctly. Don worry about the masks.... YOU ARE ALREADY WEARING IT!!!!!!!!
yes.... everyone is in this party weather or not you realise or not. All day long i see people around me just putting on different masks and mingling around as if there are not noticed. Well I too am starting to "take out my Mask collection" and put on some beautiful mask. all in the effort to please you.
1) Why do i have this friend(P) who likes to paint an imaginary world. a world so unreal, a world so fake, a world of Hypocrites!!!!!! I am soure atleast one of you know who i'm talking about, if not...nvm...but pls don't ask me THANKS.
2) My mask i wear all just to please you. I tell you what you want to hear and that does not ALWAYS mean i am telling you what i trully want to say in my heart. Well its going on well like this. The reason for this is, I don't want to lose a friend because of my words. I don't always do this but i must say there are times where i have to really decide, truth or lie. In most casese its the truth but in some, a Lie.
H is leaving in a couple of weeks time and as the day grows close, i am begining to feel more and more uneasy. Is denying my friendship the only way out? right now that is the only option i see. sigh.
You can enjoy all this and more...Just put on a Mask and come join the party of Truth, Lie, Love, and Words!!!!!!!
Truth....
Lie....
Love....
Words.....
Its difficult to understand you ___________________________________ I am trying my best....forgive me if i fail.
Drowning in my own thoughts.....
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -3:34 PM-
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Music Brings ppl closer AND further away...
Hello peeps,
Watched Lake house on saturday, this was part od Pignix B'day present... actually just to please him lah.... hahhahaa. I felt the movie was nice and ok ok only. i felt that the story could have expanded more and gone slower. the stroy was good but it moved too fast, and you had little time to feel the stroy evolve. one minute the movie started and the next thing you know...its ended. We were suppose to watch with the whole vogue vogue gang but everyone was just busy so nvm. I am tired of even trying to get an outing together. i'll let someonelse do it.
Had orchestra last night and it was THANKFULLY conducted by 'VodkA'. He made the orchestra sound more alive and i felt it sounded better. hmmm well stilll ont as good as some other orchestra but on its way there. I loved this rehearsal and did not get bored withion the two hours....AMAZING!!!!!! hahahahaha anyway something VodkA said last night kept me thinking. "music is like sex....you need communication..... eye contact.....be one with the ensemble..." yup. well i had tought of this...not the sex part......i feel that in the Orchestra, we need to feel each others pulse and phrasing and expression of the music. we really need to communicate more. The only time i felt good communication was when i played for PCO in the Mozart concert.....it was fun and i learnt alot.
Another thing i felt about orchestras or ensembles is that, it brings people together. hmmm. music has a weird effect on ppl and when the timeing and setting is right, you fall into the music. well to put in simple words, music brings love and joy to ppl. eg. i have many friends that have gotten together when playing in the SAME orchestra. maybe its just common interest, but i feel its more on 'Music Bonds ppl". I fell for L, and H while playing in the orchestra. both are wonderful players and ppl and i silly fell for them. not so much on L but more strongly for H. It was her charisma and playing that i fell for. hhahahahaaa. and yes music also brings ppl apart. I think that Tchaikovsky left his wife for man for a reason, he abviously loved him. and through this love, he wrote his feelings in MUSIC. tough we don't really understand music in great detail, it is quite obvious that Tchaikovsky wrote beautiful music and melodies to express his feelings and emotion. he was not the only. Mahlar has wonderful music and passionate melodies and climaxes. hmmm... If music is a Language we all understand and learn, then why can' t we understand it? hmmmm not sure why, but then again, somthings are better left unknown.
Going for medical cheak up soon. this is part of my NS elistment.... BORING!!!!!!!!! well i hate to see doctors and i am sure to feel uneasy on that day. the sight of medical doctors. smell of medice....YUCKS.....i just wantr to get it over and done with.
The affection i have for you is growing stronger....I must stop.....
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -7:59 AM-
