I'm sitting here infront of my com and listening Christmas music. Not sure why really. Don't calling me crazy...since when have you not known me to do stuff like this. There is just this calming and joyful feeling that Christmas songs that give that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel so so happy when i listen to this.
Be wanting to blog about alot of stuff, but just don't feel like. Been postponing it for so long.
I have be keeping feelings inside me these past few months. Feelings that could change alot of things. Feelings that many i feel won't really understand.
I have told this to a friend before and i tot maybe i share here. "It is the many thousands of small Threads that make the Beauty of a Persian Rug"
Nothing new i guess but to me it is a powerful. It is the small things that ppl do for you that more often then not goes forgotten. It is the small things that I feel, personally, that give the biggest impact in our lives.
While we go about our lives and do stuff we like, have we considered and tried to stop for a moment at think about the little things in our lives. For i often do this. In the moments that i stop and think i often play back situation that have haooened recently or Funny moments with friends or previous ugly incidents. Not sure why i do that but it almost happenes so fuently. like when i am at a rehearsal, i can easily start thimking about all of this...I know you could say it is Daydreaming. If it was i would have said it was daydreaming. but it is not. oh well.. randomness.
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If I had chance I would have choosen to walk away from you and I would not have to go through all the things i did with you. Despite all the happiness that you have given and showen me, there were twice as much sadness packed underneath it all. I'm Sorry for being Honest.
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About a month a go I went out with a small group of close friends. We went for a concert and the usual, we decided to go somewhere to eat and chill for a little while. After much arguing on where to go, we finally decided. We made our way there fast and yes we had our usual bags of laughter along the way. When we drove pass one particular street i just felt my heart sink and my goose bumps were all over the place. My mouth was frozen and my mind just went on a non-stop scroll mode. Scrolling through all the memeories both good and bad with this (once) close friend of mine. I can't help but feel sicken yet happy at the same time. Sicken because I remember ed all the shit and FUCKED up attitudes i got from you and happy cause i also remembered the feelings i had in those days where we just hung out aimlessly and enjoy each others company. It was a simple street nothing special but it was the moments that were just priceless. I told my friend to just get me out of that place and go somewhere else. I could not bare to be there for long. I will revisit this place again and face my past. I think that that is the only way i can find peace with that place.
Sometimes being alone is the best thing.... I only have one person to deal with.