Monday, May 29, 2006
Its been a long time....
hello ppl,
well it has been a long time since i updated. hahaha well my holidays have been great so far. played for the Man of letters, movies, outings, birthdays, etc. yup.
school is goin to satrt in a weeks time and i am all set for schoolo man. can't wait so that i can finsh my diploma and get on with my life. but above all i'll be too busy to think about H. hahhaa yup i think i really have to stop thinking so much. well today i woke up at about 430am in the morning. the first think i tot was H. sigh not sure why but i had a weird dream that H like found out that i liked her. hahaha funny right. then the dream became a nightmare when H decided to avoid me forever. sigh. that is what i want to avoid thats why i don't want to ever ever tell her. maybe in ten years... maybe. hahaa
H has been quite impossible to predict recently. i have a feeling she knows but i am still keeping my stand. in the recent month, i have asked her out to dinner, movie, luch, etc... but not a single yes. H has denied me so many times this month ands i feel lost in my own mind. i don't know where i came in and how to leave this crazy mind of mine. i am really grateful that she still talks to me online but even that, she is seldom online. sigh. i think she is preparing to leave the country but i guess its best especially for me.
in the course of knowing H, i have been inspired to be a better person bothe mentally, and emotionally but yet i am weakened by her very smile. funny how something so innocent and least appreciated can be so deadly yet charming. yes, i was charmed by the smile H gave to me the very first time and it is this smile that weakens me when i see it. y? i don't know. hahaa
sigh sigh sigh
H is great regardless ahhaa i think i am crazy. i am going to be seperated with H for like about a few years. she will be studying overseas and not sure when she'll come back and i will too after my NS and not sure if i'll ever come back. this year could be the last i see her. that frightens me alot and have been giving me many sleepless nights recently. i was counting the years i might be apart and it turns out, about ten years. that is really long and anything.... anything can happen. sigh. i do hope our lifes cross path again in the future cause i enjoyed knowing H and would like to know H fully.
ever wondered what and where you'll be in ten years? have a moment to think about it. its quite frigtening.
its difficult to be in silence for so long and even worst when you have to hide your true feelings behide a fake smile. all to just please the ppl around you. i am very troubled but seek comfort in composition and movies and other stuff. but then i ask myself again, how long can i hide and seek comfort? not very long. i am reaching a breaking point but thankfully i am still in control of my feelings. saw H last week after a week of silence from her. I was overjoyed to see her sweet smile and bright gleaming Chocolate-brown eyes (i know like very delicious right). we greeted in silence but i knew what she was thinking, "why did you shave?" hahahaa i know her too well. hahahaa and yes indeed she then walked up to me and asked that question ahhaa.
difficult...
confusing...
troubled...
chocolate-brown eyes....
sigh sigh sigh.
random words
no sence
to me
THE WORLD
SMILE PPL!!!!!
CHOWS~
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -5:28 PM-
