A-PeeK-into-My Life....

In Loving memory

2009-12-29T00:17:00.003+08:00

Well today the 28th of dec, i feel the sorrow i felt a couple of years back. The lost of a dear friend. A friend which i could always count on for emotional and physical support. I friend i so dearly miss. I did not even get to say good bye to you. You left me here to see you go. To remember you in memories. I miss your voice, your laughter, your lame jokes that always made my day. I miss everything about you. Even your horrible attitude to me sometimes.

I guess it is really too late to tell you all that i feel for you. I can only now tell you in my prays to you. I sometimes lay on my bed, thinking of all the good and bad times we've had and how i wished i had more of that. Crying to myself in regret. regret in everything. regret not telling you how i truly felt about you. You are now happier and peaceful. and that makes me happy too. I miss you smile my dear friend!!!
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I guess no one reads blogs anymore. with the increasing popularity of FB, it is hard to keep thoughts private like in a blog. FB, once you say the wrong thing, the whole WWW knows. sians.

The memories in this blog is the sole reason why i do not want to shut it down. I live on memories.
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I feelings inside of me right now are really all mixed up. Good, bad, happy, angry, sad, joyous, frustrated, disappointed etc. I regret doing certain things really. I know i have always been telling my students and close friends, always do things with no regrets. but here i am having tons of it. Sometimes i regret knowing you. My life has turned upside down. You may not feel like you affect me much, but you do. I don't tell ppl such stuff cause they probably thing i'm nuts. you are better off without me in your life, hindering your progress to greater excellence. I'm so so proud of you thus far. and i'm honored to have grown up and known you. I feel that you can truly change the world. Theres more that i would love to say but can't.

I will leave you now. Leave you alone.

Thanks for the memories.

CHOWS~

Think i'm falling for you...again.

2009-09-26T22:35:00.003+08:00

been finding it hard to concentrate on my work lately. Not only work, on pretty much everything. Practicing, rehearsals, ...and the worst was when i was watching a movie with some friends, i just lost all concentration on everything around me. Even as i eat an innocent meal, be it alone or with others, i just can't concentrate on anything.

Well i think i have fallen for L again. It was that one late night out with her and everything came back. all the memories, fun times, good'ol stories...everything.

Meet some friends that night for some drinks, during the night i got an sms from L and i was so happy that my eyes and heart nearly popped out. I could not think about anything else. after the drinks i decided to go meet L. well i guess we do crazy stuff just to meet the person you really want to see.

Got made fun off and misunderstood for meeting her that night but i don't give a FUCK!!!

Well as usual i was so happy to see her that i could feel myself smiling ear to ear...even at 3am in the morning. after all these years i still have no courage to tell her how i felt about her. I guess i'm very contented with her company. I feel that somtimes we take the company of our friends for granted. I know many people like the idea of clubbing, pubing, drinking and partying the night away, but for me, simply sitting at the neighbourhood kopitiam having some nice classic hawker food and drinks with someone to talk to is really good enough. It does not take much to please me, just something done with a good heart.

went home quite late that night, but to be honest, i could not sleep since then. I have been thinking about you none stop. seriously. I'm literally going mad and fighting the endless battle in my mind. Seeing and hearing you out with others just breaks my heart but i know you are happy so i will stay away and watch you from afar.

I cherish every moment i spend with you. It is like spending time with my angel. I feel at peace and my heart beats in a comfortable tempo. I know that these moments are rare and i never know when i will see you again. I'm guilty in the fact that i take pictures of you in my mind, when you are sad, happy, angry etc. so that i can see them in my mind before i sleep.

I'm crazy over you and yes i'm falling for you again.

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I don't want to lose you my friend. Pls take care of yourself.

CHOWS~

sorry

2009-09-08T21:14:00.002+08:00

Really sorry for not updating for like a uber long time. Well this is like the peak period of my work year. feeling stressed about the current trip and its preparations. Really wish sometimes people would support you rather then make the situation worst for you. Honestly i find it hard to please everyone.

Being in this organization has taught me one thing, how to just do what you are told. Which i personally feel should not be the way. Just because you are higher up does not mean you are always right.

Anyway been thinking about L again lately...I thought i have found closure but i guess i just put it one side. I have been trying to find a way to get her out of my mind and my life. It is never going to work out. She has become a person i do not know anymore but still i can't forget her. Even till this day i still think about the day we met and the things that happened. I was so happy then. Sometimes i really wish i did not meet her. Wished that i had listened to my inner voice and just ignored the meet up. I still ask myself Why did I choose to meet her. L has captured my heart and mind for so many many years and still i have no courage to face her in person.

after countless attempts of telling her the things that she should not do and stuff, i can now only sit and watch from afar. watch her kill herself slowly. and i cannot do anything. I feel frustrated and helpless now. Why does she not listen??!?!?! You tell me you take this friendship seriously and yet you do the things i dislike right infront of my face with so much joy. What have you become?

YOu have always been like a little sis to me. I have always been there to make sure you are alright and always there to catch you when you fall.

I see now that you don't need me anymore. I can only now watch from afar...praying that you will be alright and that you will see my point one day.

sorry to post this after so long...i guess i was just keeping it inside for too long.

Updates for Feb and March

2009-04-12T17:15:00.000+08:00

WARNING: This is going to be a relatively long entry. I do hope you read it and enjoy it. haha.

Well it has been so long since i updated my blog. Yes i know i say that very often. I like to update when i feel like it. I am not one of those bloggers that blog everyday and at the end of the week summarise the wholes weeks entries. I feel that that is pretty waste of time. I mean to each his own.

February... my favourite month of the year. Well apart from it being my Birthday month, it is also the month of LOVE!!! Valentine's Day!!! haha yes V day was pretty fun. Went out with two of my close Friends for a nice dinner and walking aimlessly and bitching and laughing in the middle of no where. here are some pics. the rest are on My facebook. We went to eat a California Pizza. Wonderful place. Long Q but well worth the wait. YUMYUM!!
Up next on the Events list is Clare's 33rd Year of Life Celebration!!! ahaha I just love to call it that. We surprised him and Ginny cooked a wonderful dinner for us. What made this day even more special? well we placed 33 candles on a blackberry crumble pie HAHA it was dame difficult and everything was falling apart. It was truly hilarious. Pic of Clare posing with the "cake" and the next pic of him laughing uncontrollably at the 33 candles. ahhahaa HAPPY B'DAY CLARE!!!

Then it was my turn... YEAH!!!!! Clare brought us to this really nice place called SUNSET GRILL at Seletar camp area. It was really different and beautiful. although we did not catch the sunset, the food made up for it. We had their famouse buffalo wings which were super duper good and spicy and fiery YUMYUM. we tried level 1 and 2 and it was good. next, level 3 and 4. ahhaha HERE I COME!!! ahhaha

I had one more birthday surprise from Lau li. hee hee. met up with her and she just bought me a present and we watched a movie and after that we played with sparklers... hee hee thats new. ahhaa i really enjoyed it and it was very thoughful of you Lau Li... THANKS!!!!

I got a present that i wanted to buy that same afternoon. Lucky me hahaha!!!

Now we hit March!!!!!

Changing of Guards by Central Band hee hee. This was like my 3rd or 4th time doing hee hee. It is known as the most fun parade in our unit. hee hee. We had a new addition this time. NIX is on parade too!!! hahaha more friends to suffer with me hee hee

Me and Clare...congrates on the new promotion!!!!

Next up Japanese dinner at Ginny's... well it was suppose to be at her house but you see, she ran out of gas and it was too late to get a replacement so all of us switched to catering and brought everything to Clare's house to cook and eat hee hee... tiring, frustrating, annoying and angry... that was what we felt. but the whole evening was fun and memorable. Thanks Ginny again!!!! we had a 9pm planned dinner at 130am hee hee..... interesting. Wonderful cooking by ginny paid off.

At her house

At Clare's Lift with everything in our hands hahahaa all smiles!!!!!!Our 130am dinner hee hee....Finally!!!!

Well that was my Feb and March in a short and consise way as possible. hee hee. I guess from the way you see each event, you could say it was a foody two months. hee hee. Did i gain weight? NO!!!!! hahahaa infact believe it or not. i lost a further 2KG. hahaha Great.

I Feel wonderful leading this somewhat sorty lifestyle. I eat what i want now and exercise alot. I feel great and i was to look great. Of course there are those that just don believe i am losing weight. hee hee... Machines don lie!!!

June 15 2007 weight: 122kg/268pounds
April 1st 2009 weight: 76.5KG/167pounds

weight lost:46kg YEAH....

4kg away from my goal of 72kg or less and a BMI of less then 24.5...then well i be in the cat. of NORMAL!!!! almost there. June 14 2009 will be the day!!!

For those who have yet to know, I am now a full-time military personnel. Hmm not sure weather it is a good thing or not, i will take a step at a time. Sometimes people at work just make you hate your job alot. I am learning to cope with this and trying to let it not get to me.

Been feeling Jealous of about a certain situation latey and i find it hard to control and avoid. I feel so irritated by it and feel like.... Jealousy..one of the cardinal sins. Sigh. Jealous of friends.

Thank you for reading.

CHOWS!~

Difficult Jan

2009-02-01T16:28:00.006+08:00

I have come to understand and realise that waiting for others only reduces the number of opportunities i have to do the things i love. Because of waiting, i have missed watching movies, doing other activities, sports and watching concerts, eating at places etc.

I can't stand it anymore. I am literally watching my Life pass me by. A new resolution for me, I do what i want when i want. I can't be bothered to wait for others. I don't see the need. Why should I when others don't bother waiting for me.

It has indeed a difficult Jan for me. Emotionally, physically, etc. Having to deal with people at work with a Plastic Smile is just killing me. But i guess everyones has to do that in order to survive each day and get on with their lifes. Anyway Jan was also the Band Master selections and the results were pretty depressing. none of the participants got it. Instead they are re-opening the selection with a lower requirement and a higher age limit. I think that sucks. It makes my Dip look useless. Oh well. I will still be trying for the next one. Wish Me Luck!!!

This Feb was pretty nice to have gone out with Lau Li and Nix. Was nice to sit down and laugh and in a way enjoy our youth. I just felt abit at ease when i went out with them that day. Looking forward to our V-Day outing hahaha. here are some pics.

I went to watch the Thaipusam festival too at Little India. Call it "Getting back to my Race" haha/ I really liked it alot. I do truly admire the devotion they have and the lengths they have to go for their religion. here are some pics too...

Anyway this is the month of Love and I am enjoying it so far. I Like this month alot for many reasons. I just feel more alive. My 'New Year' is coming and i have prepared a set of "resolutions" too.. stay tuned for that yah...

well thats all....

CHOWS~

Happy 2009!!!

2009-01-01T15:00:00.004+08:00

Well its that time of year...the start of a new year. The time we feel most fresh in mind body and soul and it is also the time of year that we decided what we want to do for the year. Simply called Resolution. Musically, a perfect Cadence. For me I like writing my set of resolutions and always pray that atleast most of it would happen and i would try to make it happen.

Last year was both fruitful and yes ugly in all sense of the word. The best parts of 2008 would be, getting into the Main Band, going to Quebec, passing my IPPT, Writing a piece in memory of a friend who has passed on, losing more weight, getting fitter. Yes i have truly enjoyed doing ll of these stuff. The ugly; annoying colleagues that just make your workplace unpleasant, peoples true character, others expecting too much from you, hadly meeting up with ppl i wanted to see and many more i do not wish to list down.

Anyway 2008 is over and i will leave it there.

Resolution:

Travel to 3 new places out of Singapore
Lose more Fats and get fitter
Join a Marathon
Compose 3 pieces
Not care about people so much...
Try contact-lens
Find my other half.
Have a spectacular Christmas
Try more Cocktails, Wine and Beer..
Perform more
play in a Chamber group and have a performance.

Well there are more but I will not list it all out hee hee.

i PRAY for a wonderful, peacful, and happy year ahead. Laugh more, eat more, Live Life more!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Horrible XMAS!!!!

2008-12-26T09:51:00.003+08:00

This is by far the worst most sucky Christmas ever. I HATE CHRISTMAS TO THE MAX...well not including the spiritual obligations like going to church etc. I just feel so screwed up this christmas. nothing seems to be going right and i don't seem to have the christmas spirit in me this time round.

Last year my Dad passed away, this year my Grandma was in the hospital for like a week and celebrating is just not right when things like this happen. I just did not feel the joy and happiness i usually do when it is December. I feel so weak and bored. On top of that this was the period i lost a close friend and all the memories keep coming back and haunting me each night. To a peace myself i have written a piece in memory of my friend. To be played by my friend Clare next year. I hope it will be nice.

I did my best this Christmas to meet up with friends which i have not seen in a while. I met my BMT friends and had a NAFA Class gathering, went out with my "Alumni" friends. I am sort of looking forward to next year. I wish to make the next Xmas a spectacular one and no way am i going to let anything stop me.

I feel that i am too nice to people and i also have to take people's crap and be their shit bin. When i decide to be an evil person everyonelse says stuff like, "i don like you this way" or "can you stop it" etc. but when they are having a bad day, i dare say that i do my best to make you feel better or at the very least, not annoy you further. I think i should be a mean person and not care about other ppl's feeling. why should I... I am freakin' pissed about it.

I'm looking forward to a brighter and better year next year. i want to REALLY do things that i have not done before and to the best of my abilities LIVE LIFE to the fullest.

Christmas can't get any worst!!!! Apart from the gathering and outings i had, the only other thing i enjoyed was going on to youtube and listening to christmas carols and those less common ones too.

Well nothing else for this SUCKY XMAS....

SEEYA!

Been Busy lately...

2008-12-04T13:02:00.005+08:00

Up to this point, i have been really busy concert preparations and preparations for other stuff. It has been a long a energy-draining three weeks for me. Gald that it is over really.

19th Nov was the SAF bands concert. Celebrating 50 years of Military Music. Apart from us, 5 principal musicians from the "President's Own" Marine Band joined us. along with them was their Director of music Col. Micheal Colburn. I thought it was a not too bad concert. Heavy but fun to perform and at some point, rehearse. The concert was a success with no major problems.

Me and Max Cripe (Principal Horn)

Me and Col. Colburn..just love his unifrom..so classic and eye-catching.

Section with Col. Colburn

After this concert was the TPO concert. Playing Beethoven's Symphony no.9 with a Japanese Chourus. I tot it was not too bad for so little reherasals. I mean knwoing TPO, they usually have many reherasals for such a large work. I guess due to time and other factors. I am pretty happy with my 4th Horn Solo. I finally manage to overcome that.

My artistic shot of the Cello Section during sectional Me and Clarence haveing dinner

Me and joyce and hui Qi hahaa crazy gals..

THe Horn Section hmmm and clarinets.. haha

And of course me and Mr. Lim hahaI reallty enjoyed these two projects and i must say i learnt alor. Looking forward to more.

Well i have joined back SNYO and it sure brings back lots of memories. good and bad ones. haha. If only my batch was there. haha. now is a new group and i feel extra old now haha. oh well looking forward to a good musical year next year. I wish to do at least one concerto next year wth an orchestra or a band. would be a good learning experience for me. hee hee.

more updates to come...

CHOWS~

2008-11-20T13:04:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i guess want to just shout out all that is on my mind. It would make me feel better but others upset. I suprise myself when i see how much of angst and feelings i keep inside of me. I must be one huge bottle. I want to let it all out. I want to shout out from the centre of the earth.

If I could shout that out, i would say these few things:

How much I miss you each day
How much your presence makes me feel alive
How much I hate some people
How much I wish you study
How much i long for my other half
How much i Love myself
How much i Love God

All these things i would say. But fear is always there to stop me. My heart is always there to warn me about what others might feel.

It is easy to feel things but incredibly difficult to express it especially if you already know what reaction you might get. I can perform a solo for anyone or a thousand people but shy away at the very idea of telling you how i truly feel.

It has been too many years and i seriously need to move on with my life. I have atleast 80% of it thrown away, i am still struggling with the remainder.

If only it could be easier.

I Miss doing silly stuff together...

2008-11-12T21:05:00.004+08:00

People who have known me for long know that i like to do silly stuff. of course not alone. But with friends around to join in and have a good time. I miss those days of silliness. Just walking from school to Bugis just to get a cup of Ice is so wonderful. Stupid and pointless to some. But in that few minutes we chat about everything and anything, without a single care in the world. even if we are gonna be late for class, we just stroll and enjoy the moment. I miss Mei Ling. i miss those 'Cup of Ice' walks we used to take.

Having a unplanned day can always turn out to be the most enjoyable ones. Having nothing to do and finding ourselves in Vivocity with little to spend and do. We went to Cold Storage bought a tub of Ice-Cream, a French loaf and two spoons. went to the deck outside and ate there. messy but really fun and nostalgic. I liked the randomness and the life stories we talked about and shared our dreams and goals. miss those times Dil...

Having no com at home last time, i had to work in school everynight. thanks to jerry and nix for always keeping me company till late and going home together. there may be no reason to stay back so late but i liked the company you guys gave. Thanks alot, You pulled me through my Academy days. the most eventful night would have to be, when we were chasing our bus and i fell and rolled on the slope. instead of helping me up nix asked "Are we still gonna run for the bus..???!?!" at that moment i thought, "Ok run!!!!" ahahhaa it was a funny night and i remember the endless laughs we had on the bus back home. missing it.

One of the nicest and most unexpected things was when i asked you guys to join me for 'Pirates of the Caribbean" Marathon which was late and lasted till the next morning. and you guys said YES!!! i was so happy. It was a fun night out. Espensive but the enjoyment was pricless. i remember the supper we had, the haunted places we visited and the 6am playground madness we had hahahha unforgetable.

been really missing all this kinds of activities lately and it is at these moments that i truly miss your company. Our lives have all taken different paths and time is not our best companion anymore.

I express my well wishes to Jerry and Piggy. Hope you guys are good and doing fine overseas. Miss your crappiness, laughter, randomness, smiles, company, silliness etc. Looking forward to the day we all can do it once more.

Jerry and I doing what we do best, eat...yumyum
Her usual activity...practicing on me of course.

Movie marathon...

Posing at some supper place..

random

Mr and Miss Vogue

6am Playground mandess

Posing randomly...idea was to be glam...failed i think...hee hee

All but Memories now

CHOW

Getting sucky....

2008-11-09T10:03:00.002+08:00

Every weekend has been pretty sucky lately. It is so boring and i feel really irritated each weekend. Sometimes I don like the weekend to ever come, yet i want it. Miss the days where people were more free to go out for movies, shopping, or just chill out and people watch. Miss those catching up sessions and all those concert going days. Now it is just like get home on Friday sleep Sat. practice go sleep occasional movie maybe, sunday church, come home to pack and back to camp. it has become so routine and i don like it at all.

Catching up has become so difficult to plan these days. I do understand that everyone has their own schedule and plans and all. Just sometimes i feel like we are getting further apart.

nothing much to say now..i will update a proper entry soon..

Food-filled October...

2008-10-12T16:05:00.007+08:00

Well this October has been a Gastranomic one i would say. I had so many 'Catch-Up' Sessions i would call them. and all invovled two of my most favourite things to do...Friends and Food. hahaha yes they go so well together.

Many of my friends know i simply love chocolate and all things sweet. So it should come as no surprise that i went to the Fullerton for a Chocolate Buffet haha. It was Heaven i must say simply delightful. I was so choclate high and it had a great atmosphere and the company i was with was really divine. Here are some the pics...

I love the open space feel. It feels like you are outside but actually you are inside. haha. so nice.

The following day i met up with Kit and Nix for Lunch at Thai Xpress @ Tiong Bahru. It was fun to eat and gossip and catch up on what we have been up to lately. We also had our traditional desserts and more craziness happened..of course.

Had a Fun Shopping outing with Lau Li two days ago. It was just the two of us and it was so so fun to shop, bitch, share stories and eat. ahhaa i totally enjoyed that day. Thanks LauLi!!!

Well I really enjoyed the course of these few days. It was really fun and i wished i could do this everyday. just go out with friends and have fun all day long and have nothing to worry about.

Have you ever felt Envious of a certain situation? Like you see a certain situation/person and you in your own mind just wish you were there. I do not know how else to put in words but here goes. I am feeling Envy. Something i rarely feel or rather the last i probably felt like this was like years ago.

Why do i keep telling myself that it will be better when i know inside of me it is not going to.

Why do I chase the clouds when i know i cannot catch it.

Why do i put up with you when i know i am just going to get myself hurt again.

Why do i fall for your words when i do not know weather you really mean it.

So many questions in my head and no answer. I feel sick, i feel irritated, i feel like just cutting all forms of contact from you, i feel like crying so badly. I do not know why is it so difficult to bring it back to what it was all those years ago.

I feel like a spare...

CHOWS~

When Will christmas be here..??

2008-10-01T21:48:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting here infront of my com and listening Christmas music. Not sure why really. Don't calling me crazy...since when have you not known me to do stuff like this. There is just this calming and joyful feeling that Christmas songs that give that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel so so happy when i listen to this.

Be wanting to blog about alot of stuff, but just don't feel like. Been postponing it for so long.

I have be keeping feelings inside me these past few months. Feelings that could change alot of things. Feelings that many i feel won't really understand.

I have told this to a friend before and i tot maybe i share here. "It is the many thousands of small Threads that make the Beauty of a Persian Rug"
Nothing new i guess but to me it is a powerful. It is the small things that ppl do for you that more often then not goes forgotten. It is the small things that I feel, personally, that give the biggest impact in our lives.

While we go about our lives and do stuff we like, have we considered and tried to stop for a moment at think about the little things in our lives. For i often do this. In the moments that i stop and think i often play back situation that have haooened recently or Funny moments with friends or previous ugly incidents. Not sure why i do that but it almost happenes so fuently. like when i am at a rehearsal, i can easily start thimking about all of this...I know you could say it is Daydreaming. If it was i would have said it was daydreaming. but it is not. oh well.. randomness.

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If I had chance I would have choosen to walk away from you and I would not have to go through all the things i did with you. Despite all the happiness that you have given and showen me, there were twice as much sadness packed underneath it all. I'm Sorry for being Honest.

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About a month a go I went out with a small group of close friends. We went for a concert and the usual, we decided to go somewhere to eat and chill for a little while. After much arguing on where to go, we finally decided. We made our way there fast and yes we had our usual bags of laughter along the way. When we drove pass one particular street i just felt my heart sink and my goose bumps were all over the place. My mouth was frozen and my mind just went on a non-stop scroll mode. Scrolling through all the memeories both good and bad with this (once) close friend of mine. I can't help but feel sicken yet happy at the same time. Sicken because I remember ed all the shit and FUCKED up attitudes i got from you and happy cause i also remembered the feelings i had in those days where we just hung out aimlessly and enjoy each others company. It was a simple street nothing special but it was the moments that were just priceless. I told my friend to just get me out of that place and go somewhere else. I could not bare to be there for long. I will revisit this place again and face my past. I think that that is the only way i can find peace with that place.

Sometimes being alone is the best thing.... I only have one person to deal with.

NAFA BBQ & Moon Cake Weekend...

2008-09-29T17:47:00.002+08:00

WEll this update is abit delayed. Been lazy about updating and all.. well Last weekend i had a gathering with my NAFA classmates... well as usual it was the usual group of ppl. No point sending out emails to everyone when thay say they will go and not turn up. Lesson Learnt. Anyway with the little of us, i tot it was pretty fun. It was Simple, not too many ppl, which meant more food, lotsa crapping and joking and of course many good cooks around to take turns ahhaa. I also participated you know hee hee. well here are the pics.

Me being the Satay man... haha so fun Marinated Wings... it was good..
Aaron and Weiping were the other cooks at hand and Jeremy brought us some really nice home made cheese cake... yumyum

Most of the usual gang. except for Jerry and Nix and CLare who was late

Trying to do the famouse jumping shots hee hee....Chao Xi was obivously not jumping material hahaa
Wah...

Best one so far

Haha here is all the left-overs... we decided to make it a B.B.Q First-aid box... it like a BBQ on the go sort a thing hahaha

Well it was fun to catch with all. I really missed the days in NAFA and all the Fun, hate, laughter, Tears, stress, joys, and above all the Music and Friendship. Wish i go do it all over again. well atleast the 3rd year la hahaha... Should have more of this... but too bad not everyone around...

Well the very next day i went to Miss Vogues place for MoonCake/Anders Birthday celebration ahhaa ...here are the stuff we did...

after eating we had a mini Mooncake Making class by Mrs. Wong hee hee so fun lor... like real class. then have all the gong gong students like me and Anders haha and the top student like Nix ghee hee

See ....with our teacher hahahaa Of course...after making them... EAT IT @!!!!!!!!!!

I must say...they are really nice looking hahaha... here is prove Jerry that we did make mooncake ahahha
It was a really nice night. oh yah... we also chatted with Jerry-miah... hahaha here it is hahaa

WEll that is all for now....

See ya...

Quebec

2008-09-08T11:00:00.001+08:00

Well as the title says it all, this entry is about my trip to Quebec City, Canada. I went with the ppl from Blk 13. I only uploaded some photos here manily cause there is really too mnay pics to put up.

It was not too bad a trip i must say. I was feeling abit weird going on a trip with new ppl. I did not know what to expect or how they do their trips. As the trip went along, i got use to it and started to enjoy my trip more. The best thing was the weather, it was so cool and breezy all the day man. I loved it. We had good audiences good tour guides and friends i made there.

My Mum and I @ the T1Passport and Boarding PassThe two friends i hanged out with mostly at Canada.. Kelvin and ZQTransit at Amsterdame...Jet Lag!!!!! haha KLM's Muslim food is GREAT!!! loved the food... comfort...not so..
View of CANDA from the plane
Fluffy Clouds...always wanted to take pictures of clouds. ahah
Our Hotel.., Small but Chic
Our Transport for the whols trip..very comfortable and fast bus man.

Friends i made in Canada, Gerret and i can't remember her name oops..but its in my Facebook. ahah sorry... me and French names are just not good...Devin Great Rehearsal friends, Julie and Courtney...Fun Gals Me at A&W yum yum

Group shot
The Convicts of Quebec shot. ahahah the phrase Je me Souviens means I remember... a sweet and meaningful phrase. By the way this phrase is printed on all the Car plates in Quebec. and yes it looks like the one i am holding. too bad i did not get one.

More pics on my Facebook ppl... I uploaded about 800 pics and there are like 1000s more by others... enjoy.. aahha

I liked Quebec City mainly cause of the ppl i met there. They were very friendly and cheery and the life there is really slow pace. I mean to Q up just to pay for things can seriously take forever. cause they, for some reason, are not in a rush. hmmm... oh well. the Friends i made were all sweet and very comfortable to be with. I mean some helped me choose presents to bring home others gave me lots of laughs and some others almost got me in trouble. still i enjoyed their company.

so that is all for my entry on Quebec City hee hee...

CHOWS~

9 10 11 12th Aug...

2008-08-13T23:50:00.003+08:00

This is going to be a long entry... hee hee well basically cause i have not been updating my blog you see haha.

Anyway these few days has been very weird, fun, sad, crazy, hilarious, fattening, nostalgic...all at the same time. I'll update day by day...

9th Aug....

NDP!!!! and i was on duty...sian right hahaa no problem. I did my duty with my batch mate. Jay. was fun hee hee catching up on the lastest haha. oh Paul was like a stand-in for us in the night haha thanks.

Me and Clarence

Drum Major-Ronnie

Biggest-est-est boss

My Encik hee heeJais

MarcusKelvin

well there are alot more pix you see ahhaa go to www.flickr.com and search NDP 08 and you can get all the NDP pix hee hee. good ones too.

10th Aug...

MSSAB Dinner Celebration.

well finally we got our treat hahaa. we went to Sakura@ Shaw Plaza. Was like totally my first time there la hee hee. anyway it was fun catching up with them and laughing and watching the young ones play silly disgusting games hee hee

Paparazzi of Nix hahaHis artistic work, he calls it "Movie Ticket Grave" hmm...rubbish or Art aghaha Nice tempura yum
Cakes..
Reservation for 50ppl and a bill of a $1000 plus OMG!!!!!

the young ones...The younger ones...playing a game which involves disgusting food combis YUCK!!!My section..LeonMy Students-turn-section mates...Raymond and ZD The man that made it happen Chiang

Daniels creation yet again....

well wanted to like spend time out and go home late but did not. sigh. yet another spoiled weekend night. oh well the atleast the day was fun hee hee...

11th Aug...

Flyer and Back to School

went with Aaron...last minute hee hee. was cool to finally go on the flyer and see the country. ahha a must go but i would not pay $30 for it hee hee i got $10 tix hahha

This is the Flyer guide, she was really nice and helpful and very informative. sorry did not get her name...look abit like Dr. Tan ahahaha

was at school before going to the flyer...meet ppl that i have not seen for a long time. nostalgic man.

It was good to see all my school friends and catch on what they are doing. All the best guys!!!!

12th Aug...

Went to get some last minute stuff and then went to school to practice for awhile. then went to the Airport to fetch piggy
Was good to see you again after so long. Proud of you that you have seen and achieved so much in this short time, i can't imagine how you will be in the years to come. All the best

....

Well i have done my packing and it felt uncomfortable for some reason. I mean i just tot of my trip to Vienna in 2005. It was a magical trip. one that inspired me so much. I just feel like i am leaving something behide here and hoping when i return it will be better. I sure hope so. During these past few days i can't help but feel upset all the time.

My Horn before packingAfter packing hee hee...

The two residents in my case hahaa Ni-chio form Italy given to me by Hwee Ling TPO and the next one i call the Red Guardian ahaha from Zhong Qing thanks!!! my case has a lot of presents, one day i will show it all. oh yah and that is my SNYO badge...miss those days man!!!

Going back to school and talking to friends and teachers made me realise how much i miss school and how much i miss making music for music and not for the sake of it. Dr. Tan told, "school is a honeymoon for music before you are thrown into the real world"...that is so true. I miss Dr. Tan, Dr. Mannhart, Dr. Goh anf Dr. Kan alot. ppl that have inspired me to be a better more learned musician. Seeing how the new batch behave is upsetting. they do not know how to cherish these years.

Many of my friends have gone on to study and improve themselves. I feel happy and proud for them. Every time I talk to them online, or email or call them or see them off and fetch them from the airport, i can't but feel envious and sad that i can't do that. I can't follow my dreams purely due to money. I feel rooted here in my country serving my nation just so that i can earn that money to help family. I vow to myself that my children will NEVER EVER have to go through this.

I miss Mei Ling alot... I miss your crapping, your coffee bean ice cup thingy, your silliness your advice and your very down-to-earth solutions to problems and most of all your determination to practice, improve yourself and follow your dreams. You have motivated me in School and now i am lost with no one to follow. I miss having lessons with Han and you and Leo. I hope you are doing fine and well in Germany. I wish you all the best in your studies. I will try my very best to visit you next year.ahah

well everyone is leaving again this year. oh well learning to except it. day by day. "You got a chance take it and Fly...don't look back"

I feel so lost in my own head. I feel sick each time i come across you, not sick of you, sick of myself. If i could turn back time i would turn back 10years and start again. Honestly I truly miss your company and you, all those years ago.

...

Journey by Corrinne May

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you To you

This is one of the most beautiful songs full of meaning. she is truly gifted, using her talent and gift to preach god's word. A strong and powerful song.

well this is the end of my entry. I'll update once i'm and back. Take Care everyone!!!! God Bless

CHOWS~

2008-08-05T06:00:00.000+08:00

In Loving Memory of my Dad5th of Aug.

I miss my Dad!!! I wish he was here.

CHOWS~

Win is Win...

2008-07-28T19:22:00.003+08:00

Well i don't have pix from the TPO and Conducting masterclass yet. so i shall update the NBC AND SIBF ones. My Horn section, Ray, Leon Me and ZD. A good group to ork with. not fantastic but we did it. We did not have the luxury of more players so all had to work hard. Good job guys, especially my two students.
SNYO Alumni in MSSBA ahahha it was fun to get together ahha
The excitment upon getting the results. cool eh.. a truly special moment.
pic with the winning conductor, Adrian. Thanks for letting me be a part of this.

Although there are so many ppl saying that this group of ppl should not win and all.. i believe they do. cause i have seen it first hand at how they are commited to working for it and practicing hard. having many late night rehearsals and all... they deserve it. Win is Win there is nothing else to consider.

Congrates once again.

I am happy to have been able to play for this wonderful group. The ppl i have met the friendships i have made all made it worth while. During this period i was having 3-4 major projects and at one poiint felt so tired and did not want to partcipate. i'm glad i held on. I am most proud of my section. two of mystudents are young and are not use to playing one per part so loudly and with such demand from me.. i;m proud of them.

Well more updates to come.

CHOWS~

It has been a long Journey

2008-07-28T01:14:00.002+08:00

Yes it has been a long time since i blogged. Well mainly cause i was busy with Blk 13 and other musical projects, namely, TPO concert, MARIS alumni competitions and Conducting Masterclass. well i have pix for all but have no time to upload you see.

25th July-Conducting masterclass was ok. not very fun but i did learn alot from Bostock. just by watching and listening. I see music in a different sort of way now. i try to see it from the conductor's point of view. It is amazing how a conductor can make a musical group sound good or bad. nothing much about this. The concert was good but the Audience sucked as usual..

26th July- Maris SIBF competition... WE WON THE TOP FOR THE OPEN DIVISION!!!! congrates. it has been a long two months of rushing from work to Maris and running through the pieces over and over again. I was glad to have my close friends there with me, it made me feel like i was back in SNYO again. anyway my section was good, not say fantastic but can pull through. thanks to leon especially. I was proud of my two ex-students who played too. Congrates once again.

27th July-TPO concert. It was a good concert. can't believe i played through three symphonies. A personal archievment. One thing i have to admit, no matter how TPO sounds or is, the fact is i like playing there. It is there that i really enjoy the music. learning from Lim Yau and his musical approach learning from others in my section and everyone there just to make and enjoy music. Isn't that what music should be... enjoyed. not dreaded. can't wait for the mext project man..yeah!!!!

------------

It is high time that some ppl live up to the "Professional musician" status and start behaving like one. The group can only improve as fast as the slowest player... pls do something.

------------

I have not been myself lately. feeling fucked up and stressed over many stuff. not really work related. I am lost in my mind and lost in my soul. I worried that history is going to repeat itself. something i don't want to go through again yet i long for it... yes i long for love and the other half.

------------

I Miss you alot but i can't tell you that...I just can't...

------------

I'm having lots of random tots nowdays. sorry.

I need you

CHOWWS~

Early June update

2008-06-13T11:56:00.003+08:00

having my off today so i decided to stay home and catch up on sleep. It has been a very VERY busy June so far. Everyday Rehearsals in Blk 13 then to SMU for PW and then to Sophia Hill for TPO. I'm tired and frustrated. I never tot music could be so tiring. Blk 13 is becoming a place of mixed feelings. Some days i am grateful for being there yet other days i feel like just leaving. I guess I've concluded that the main reason for feeling this way is, the PEOPLE. yes the ppl make the difference between a bad day or a really wonderful day.

Been stressed out with a certain someone in Blk 13. Person EGO. EGO has been getting on my nervous alot. mainly by the way he speaks. speaking in a way that it sounds like the world owes him. speaking like he knows everything. It is ok to point out mistakes and comment, but one has to also keep in mind the way you say things. One should not say in a very offencive way and hence creating bad relations. Honestly if he is in the outside world, he would be jobless and have little or maybe no contacts. I find it hard to convey what i want to say to him mainly cause of the ranks. oh well. i will find a day to say it and in doing so i will make sure he understands, either the easy way or the hard way.

Had my 2nd COG and this one was with my home band and yes it was really fun. what made it fun was also the ppl that came to watch. THANKS!!!

If only each parade was this fun ahhaa Thanks guys

I have been feeling recently that my playing has deproved by a LAND SLIDE man!!!! i feel terrible and so beginner la. each day i play i feel it getting worst and worst. I need my TEACHER back again. in Blk 13 there is no sence of senstive playing. no care for intonation and textural colour. WHY?!?!?!?!! it is still music we are making be it indoor or outdoor. why can't we sound beautiful and clean outdoor and indoor. This needs to change. If each individual knows then it would be easier to change. but there are those that kick away change. HELP!!!

Watching the two vid i uploaded, i ask myself why can't we enjoy music as much as they do. the joy in their faces and actions is so clearly translated in the music they produce. why... music is about enjoyment of this beautiful language...

I need to find back the music in me and regain my lost level of playing.

To the Madils.. miss the days where we jalan-jalan orchard and lepak and all. we should have one soon.

CHOWS~

Weird and Wonderful May

2008-05-31T23:53:00.004+08:00

Well the month of May has been a really weird one this year. Lets start with the Double celebration for my two close friends. Mimi's 21st and Mad's Farewell Dinner. both were very well planned. in short. mimi tot it was a surprise for mad and mad tot it was for mimi. so these two were actually fooled by the rest of us. ahhaha fun to play with blondes!!!!

Location: Fullerton Town Restaurant

The Birthday boy ahhaa not knowing that those are trick candles. ahaha yes he took a good 5 min to get the fire out hahaa it was fun to watch and the ppl around us had a laugh too ahhaCake by Dil...THANKS!!!!Mad showing the face "I can't believe i was tricked la..." hahhaa

Enjoying the rich food and beautiful interior
some of us more crazy haha Chocolate high...a must

A wonderful evening.. the night ended with a bit of clubbing and supper at simpang hahaha Fun day!!!!Ok here is a pic of my room in you know where. hahaha yes i have two beds... hee hee i like to call it my suite. hee hee

Well may has also been a month of thinking. thinking about my future and what i am going to do about my live.

Everything is more or less fine in "Blk 13" ppl can get on your nerves and some are just there to make your life worst. Some days i do tell myself, "How i wish i was not here" some days are hard to get by. i am thankful for ppl i am close with. they make the day move faster really.

well this is a stressful period at BLk 13 and so far it is going well. can't wait to go to Canada. it will be fun haha.

Anyway this week i almost passed my IPPT. yes almost... i just needed like 1/4 a chin up more la. ARGH!HHHH!H!!! well i will pass the next one... i hope. ahha

Many things have been running through my head and i find it hard to express or even hide it form others. want to write it down but find it hard... anyway since some ppl say i always emo. WHATEVER!!!!! its my blog!!! don't like it don't read it. It is my way of expression. sorry to be so harsh.

like to update more but can't find the right words or way to put it down. will do so soon.

CHOWS~

Mental wreck!!!

2008-05-12T16:32:00.002+08:00

I am now in a metal wreck. having to deal with problem after problem was never my forte.

---------------------------------------

You would think that the friends around you would understand, well they did not. instead they go into assuming and sending msgs that makes me feel worst. I do not know how to deal with. To think your friends would be there when you need them the most. to think they would understand. Words are easier said then done. I have learnt it the hard way.

Thank you for "Understanding" me Thank you for " Listening" thank you for "Being there for me"

Thanks for your absence

----------------------------------------

Having you out of my live has proven to be more difficult. I tot i would make myself feel better...i made my life worst.

Mistake after mistake. I can't take it anymore.

I feel like just...

----------------------------------------

My com is down and won't be around for awhile pls SMS me if there is anytrhing important.

SORRY

CHOWS~

March update

2008-04-27T19:35:00.002+08:00

Well as you all know I have been like updating like so NOT often. sorry about that.

Alot has happened and too much to be written down. i'll just list a few stuff. Well the NEW PARADISE has been ok so far. Lots of weird and interesting ppl around. Some ok and friendly others are just out to make life difficult. I guess that is the way it is in most groups or organisation. Well getting use to the lifstyle and surviving each day. So far so good.

Been getting into this fitness lifestyle now and i'm enjoying it really. I enjoy running alot now. and getting into this gymming thingy. haha. well Hope to pass my ippt soon. fingers cross.

Well I had a dream about two days back of L. It was one of those dreams that you wake up asking yourself, "was that real". and yes indeed i asked myself that. Cause it was so so real so real that i felt so full of life. I won't go into detail. It was the 2nd dream i had of L the 1st being about 4 to 5 years back. I miss L but sadly it is no more.

Anyway a friend of mine just decided to leave me and my group of friends. not so sure what the real reason is. Well he said that he has changed and all and says that he can no longer talk to us like a few years back. not so sure how to handle it. but i guess, to you know who, take time to think it through. we will always be here for you. take care.

recently i too have pulled myself away from a very good friend. mainly because i did not feel like a friend to that person. I don't know what is going on with me. Feeing sick about it when i think about it each day. I hope you understand.

till the next entry... Take care all readers.

CHOWS~

Feb update

2008-03-31T09:18:00.004+08:00

finally i'm updating. well firstly like to put up the happenings of febuary. hee hee. firstly its my Batch outing to the Zoo... yes the Zoo.. it was fun and loved the day at the zoo.

after the whole day at the Zoo
love this dustbin man...don't mind having one at home
Before our Zoo outing, was our batch's First parade at Orchard Road YEAH!!! it was fun i must say. dispite the fact that my score nearly fell and also got wet in the drizzle.

on our way to orchard. yes a bit too touchie hahaa
Me and Dil ahaha
Thabks for coming to watch guys!!!

the Chaos before...Messy messy messy
The Dinner after...lovely!!!!

Finally it was my B'Day haha. That Big green card was made by my friends. Thanks again.Yes they surprised me at the Hospital...Good one i must say.

Care for the Sick and handicapped.as

well it was a ok ok Feb. Having in mind that most of my friends forgot my B'Day again... i've decided to do the same ahhahaa well being nice is not fun.

Anyway feeling angst and frustrated alot these few weeks. Feeling sick of some ppl. ppl i once called close friends. Don't like the feeling of being just an "Emotion-collecting-bucket" Find someonelse. someone willing to be that cause i don't want to be that for you anymore. i feel like i'm your friend for that one purpose only. Friends are more then that. not buckets to cry into.

will update more.

CHOWS~

Trying to find the time...

2008-03-09T18:19:00.003+08:00

As you all realise it has been awhile since i have updated my blog. Got lots to update and many pix to upload. I have been busy with my new environment. getting use to it adapting and trying to fit in. Trying to protect myself and not be victimised.

As each days passes i feel myself becoming a different person. not sure if it is good or bad. making new friends and also getting to know old ones again. its a different life now with lots of new and interesting ppl. not all are good.. but which ones? that is what i am out to find out.

Sorry to all for all the late SMSes and sometimes NO replies. not sure why but when i read the msg i tend to tell myself that i will reply but in the end always end up being late or forgotten of. sorry for that.

been busy also trying to discover myself and recollect my shattered body and mind. I am finding the centre of my soul and trying to pull myself together. i have been losing myself oh so often that i feel like i'm losing my mind.

Seeking divine intervention and my other half.

CHOWS~

2008-02-25T19:56:00.000+08:00

Let me collect myself

Find my peace.

Will update soon.

2008-02-03T10:16:00.000+08:00

Feeling terrible about myself recently. Thinking about the life i am living now. Thinking about my purpose each day. Right now i wish i was studying. Studying the things i love and live for. I remember the days where i will get so excited over performing and playing together. I don't get it here right now. Looking for that right mix. I miss performing Solos, Orchestra etc. I miss the feeling of reherasing for that performance day and when you finally finish the last note, it really feels good. like a good chocolate bar.

I still remember something my friend told me before i went into PARADISE, "I hope you lose the weight but i hope you don't lose yourself and become someonelse". This was something that i kept in mind and at heart throughout my PARADISE journey. At the end of it i asked myself did i lose myself? The answer, i think i did abit. Now i was to get it back and it is so difficult. GOne are the days where once friends look at you for you and not by the clothes you wear. nowadays its the opposite. If the clothes i wear be the reflection of my chracter, then i would be wearing Pink, Purple, Neon Green, electric Yellow and anything bright and playful. but i don't. At the end of the day I am still me.

Laughter

2008-01-20T16:04:00.000+08:00

Know as the best medicine, Laughter is something we all do everyday. No matter how terrible the day may seem, we always have time to laugh and smile. Why am i talking about this topic? well Here goes...

I'm here on a Sunday afternoon not doing anything but looking at videos and pics. Pictures from my com and email. As i was clearing up and organizing i stumbled upon this particular pic. It was a picture of a friend of mine laughing. The thing is, the laughter was real. I mean a picture that really tells you its true emotion.

Something so easy to do yet so difficult to understand.

...........................

Pandan Cake and Vanilla Ice-Cream, two of the simplest of foods yet well liked by many. Of course ppl may not like it cause its too plain, but it is its simplicity that makes it so addictive and well accepted.

Connection, Being simple and boring is not always a bad thing.

I know this is a random post. ahahhaa Boring Sunday Afternoon

Outing Update 1/3

2008-01-19T21:30:00.000+08:00

My 2008 T3/Starbucks outing

The ceiling of our country's newest airport. cool. well invested.
Water structure that truly is marvalous man. truly love this pic. I like the idea of bringing the outdoors, in. Be one with nature
SOme Feng Shui thing but cool water structure at the transit area
Cheak in?... not any time soon. Beautiful

Transit
Safe the Planet
Arrival
Departure
Oh well might as well get a glass lift right... hahahaa TOO MUCH MONEY SIA

Jelly Beans Glore!!!!!!!1 @ T3 @ Cocoa tree
My Heaven on earth.... It that not the most sinful shelf you have ever seen YUM YUMYYUMYUMYUMYUMYUMYUMYUYUYUM
Expensive Hershey's... KING SIZE yum
At the end of our T3 experience

Bus ride to Vivo,.... Mad just had to pose...up and (maybe) coming model. ewwwww
My other friend also in the modellleing industry... No dont kill me with your FAKE beauty!!!!!! ahhahaha Nice pic here thanks to me ofcourse

Mad claims he is surrounded my demons... well with the amount of sin you do, i'm not suprised hahahaa keep praying
One of the rare moments where the Fullerton brige was empty hahaa
Boys to not so man hahaha
Mad and Mimi
I love this pic. i feeel like a superstart being caught by paparazzi ahhahaa... BORN!!!!

WTF mad you stealing my fans!!!! get your own
Bored

Fullerton... WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Entertaining Mimi... some ppl need help in jokes. ahhaa
Serious help
Scary-mary
Esplanade area at night. beautiful... by me of course
Some ppl can't take too much coffee I'm doing well hahaha

Delussional
Completly lost it... is there a doctor around
Metal problems
I was tempted to imitate ahhaa

The final pic for the night hahahaa love it hahaha

Well that was fun truly. more to come

CHOWS~

Outing Update 2/3

2008-01-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

Outing with a NEW FRIEND!!!!!

ANDERS

of course the glam ones hee hee
Here is the group of us with Anders
The boys...not exactly sure what anders was trying to do but oh well...must be a stlye thing
SO NOT 21!!!!!!!

Try guessing what this pic is about...
The Demons that hell spit out and left under my care... HELP!!!!
The Boys...
Our first 2008 Casulty... MASCARA SMUDGE ...HAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Miss Vogue so trying to be involved hahaha

Train ride home. hee heelove this pic... three different expressionslast group pic. hahaha

Was a great outing. nice food good company.

Joke of that day...Anders tot that Pacific Coffee grew their own Cinnomon plant outside so that ppl could add cinnomon powder to their drinks. So ppl are just so darn FUNNY!!!!

CHOWS~

Outings Update 3/3

2008-01-19T20:46:00.000+08:00

X'Mas 2007!!!!

Well as you can tell this is sort of a really outdated entry but oh well.. anyway I had a German Lunch With the Voggies (Not all of them sadly), it was planned by Miss Vogue ofcourse.. THANKS!!!!! anyway here aree the pix...

Pic of the pl who went...I know i blend with the tree. anyway that was a real tree.

Me and My Staff... hahahah so funny right, Classmate turn superior. hee hee but nevertheless we do have fun with it hee hee
The two ppl that would most probably cause my death hahaha Nix and Miss VOgueHeres kitty and here new friend... Granpa UGLY!!! ahhaa
ANother group pic after the lunch yum yum. hee hee Here is a really nice "toy" that was placed on and around the tables and area of the restraunt. nice. and the thing next to it was my first taste of BEER!!!!! GERMAN BEER.... i must say it was sweet and yum man. Thanks to Miss Vogue again. hahaa it was her cupThe Three pics above were large wooden "toys" that i just feel in love with. beautifully crafted and oh so christmas-sy hee hee
Kitty and Staff Clare hahaha look at his belly EWWWWW ahhahaaMe and Kit. she claims that is have a smaller waist compared to hers. no la your blouse baggy mah hahaa Cool pic right ... kitty posed at the right time hahahha at the back we have nix and Miss Vogue trying to make friends with the waiter by asking lots of questions. hee hee i was bored.
A gift from kitty to all of us. Thanks Kit. hee hee none of us brought gifts hahhaa sorry. oh yes miss voigue baked gingerbread men Was nice!!!! Me want MORE!!!

Was fun. wish that the whole gang was there. anyway Less is always more hee hee especially with Nix hahaa

well thats all for my outing updates... more great outings this year. hope to get my own camera so that i don;t need to pester others for pix. New resolution haha

CHOWS~

Random

2008-01-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

what have i been up to lately... been tryiing to rekindle an old love. my love for music. realised that in the 6 monts that i have been kept away from it, i have lost abit of that love. been listening to alot of CDs and watching wonderful concerts on DVDs.

"A Great concert is an Orgasmic Experience!!!"

Finding the G-spot to my lust for music and all its wonders. Miss playing in an Orchestra and in a wonderful Band. Miss the joys and excitment of playing in a small ensemble, trios, duets. Oh what i'll do just to go through it again and again.

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Gods Remedy to a BAD day

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A big Thanks to a Strange from god knows where for giving me the inspiration and spirit to be the person i am today. Thank you for your motivation and presence in my difficult journey!!!!

I'm Still waiting for my Pix Miss VoGue!!!! thank you.

CHOWS~

For Your Info

2008-01-06T21:06:00.000+08:00

ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight.Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

GEMINI - The Twin
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey.Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Beauty
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most's are artists and insane respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compareSpontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy, but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. The do not forgive and never forgetThe one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying... Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Kinda dumb at times. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet.Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Alwaysgets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants.Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being inlong-term relationships. Can be clumbsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy, and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when their not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more then their familiy. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Messy at times and irresponsible! Smart but lazy. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. Lover of animals. VERY caring, make wonderful nurses or doctors. They always try to do the right thing sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes et used by others and hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

2008-01-05T12:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2008-01-01T10:33:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to all and Have a Wonderful 2008

What have i gone through 2007? well that would be too much to write on to this post. just scroll down the right column and read my 2007 entries. I guess the 2 biggest events were me going into PARADISE and my Dad's passing. Two of the most life changing and difficult parts of 2007. I shall not dwell on the latter so here are some "delayed" pics from there.

This is my...ok you know what just read la ah. ahhaha find me find me hahaha
This is my section ahahanice view right.

Ok this is just lame. i don't like it but i just put it in for fun. hahaha
This is my bunk mate and Buddy in PARADISE. i guess the journey was made easier with good buddies like him.
This is another one of my buddies, who is now in the same camp as me YEAH!!!! ahahhaa This is the view from my room in PARADISE. Nice right!!!!!1 It was a nice raining day. Frankly speaking, i love the raining days in PARADISE. I guess for those of you who know me well, you would know that i'm a rain person.

Here are two super contrasting pictures of me and kitty. pics from kitty ahhaha. The first one was one or two days before i went into PARADISE. The second was after i POPped hahaha

I was wondering about the 2007 resolutions i made and asked myself, "Have i achieved them?" Answer is YES for most of them. I won't place them here for the world to read but i'll share two that i have achieved.

Lose 30kg or more...I lost 30kg!!!!!
Do atleast 1 chin-up...I CAN!!!!!

One resolution i am sad about is... i did not get my GUCCI GLASSES!!!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhh.....!!! nevermind this year i will hahaha

My 2008 Resolution:

Learn to Drink. hee hee already started actually thanks to mum. ahhaha
Go Clubbing atleast 4 to 5 times
Upgrade on my playing skills, and getting a grade
Get attached!!!!! i hope ahhaa
Play for more concerts cause last year i was performance deprived
Be a stronger person in spirit.
Be a Fitter and more Healthy person.

well thats all for now. i guess i have some but too private you see hahaha.

There is one person that i decided to leave behind. A friend i had a long time and i realised i was taken for granted. Its no point haveing such a person i guess. It pains me to do that having in mind that we were friends for very long. A new year and new ME.

Happy New Year once again. Many new and exciting things to come this year!!!

CHOWS~

2007-12-16T21:25:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is a start of a new day. A new week. For me a new phase in life.

I have been sent to the area of my choice and i am pleased about it. Don't know what the future holds for me. Frankly i'm lost in it. For those of you who now my plans for my future you should understand this post better. I do it cause i need to. It is for the better good for me and above all my family. I am doing so that my mum can rest easy and not stress herself out even more. I do it so that she can dream too.

I should start acting my age and stop dreaming. Dreaming that i can study in Germany. Dreaming that i can play with a wonderful German ensemble. Dreaming that i can be someone. I have pulled my head out of the clouds and realised that it is just a dream. The reality is, my mum can't support me. I know some of you say it is cheaper nowdays and all. i appreciate it and all. But seriously I can't. The Academy was a nightmare on its own. Its just a matter of weather you knew or not.

Seeing my friends going all over the world to study makes me feel happy for them. Yet envious. Some of us were born with a Silver spoon, others not.

Oh well where ever live and God takes me I will except. Only He knows best for me.

I hope you understand.

A new Day. A new Week. A new Chapter.

CHOWS~

2007-12-12T20:28:00.000+08:00

P.O.P Oh!!!

So happy that it is finally over. 6 long months of training.

Awaiting my next stage.

BAND BAND BAND!!!

Pic and details will be updated soon. now sleepy.

CHOWS~

2007-12-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

the end is near and i can't help but say "I can't believe i came so far with this journey". I started PARADISE scared and i told myself i don't want to make too close friends in here. but i did. I made two very good friends. friends that have helped me through this tough and long journey. The feelings inside me is hard to put it down in words. Words that can only be expressed in emotions.

How will i feel in my last few days at PARADISE. Sad, happy, angry, tired etc. I would thing more of sad. I hate saying good byes and yet i have to. It was an amazing journey of self discovery and self upgrading. I have gain alot in this 6 months. Most obviouse being the fact that i lost alot of weight. I am very proud of myself in doing so and i am not shy in telling that to ppl. reason, when you have been fat for al your life and for once you get to be normal, its any amazing feeling, a feeling that can only be understood if you had gone through it. pls understand.

well i have a few free days coming up and lots of activities planned up. I'll update more this week. Pics too. hahhaa

4 more Days!!!!!!

Christmas is just around the corner...

2007-11-29T09:15:00.000+08:00

Christmas is just around the corner and i am feeling the Christmas cheer in me alot. Love Christmas alot although i don't enjoy it every year. Not sure why really. Came home yesterday for my 1/2/day off. I took a cab from the ferry terminal and during the cab ride on the radio they were playing "Have yourself a Merry little Christmas". The version they played was very beautiful and made me feel like it was Christmas eve already. Amazing how some voices can really make you dream endlessly.

Anyway I had the choice to take my Day-off or not. So i did cause i needed to get out of PARADISE. Get away from ppl whom i thought were friends. 5+ months of sleeping, bathing, eating, chatting, struggling together was all a waste og time. Before I went into PARADISE, ppl told me, "You will make your best friends during this part of PARADISE" I tried to believe but at the back of my head, i was saying NO. True enough, my so called "Friends" true out to be just ppl who just talk and sit with you only when they need you. Upset? Yes i am. for those who know me well, i take friendship seriously. in PARADISE i only have 7 really close friends now i only have 4. I want to get out of PARADISE now cause day in day out i am sad. i used to be happy and cheery, now i feel very upset at times and have to hide it. cause ppl will; say why so emo so cici and all. I miss my other friends alot.

God help me in Times of Despair
God help me when i am blind
God help me My heart is aching

Please grant me peace

13days to go!!

Choices

2007-11-25T19:17:00.000+08:00

It is nearing the end and i am very happy. Happy with all that i have gone through and will go through. What will the next phase hold for me? i'm excited to find out.

Do not ask me why i make certain choices. I'm sacrificing my dream so that others may have a chance to dream. I'm facing reality. Will update more on this in the days to come. maybe weeks maybe years.

Not in the mood to blog now. lots of things in my head too little time to write about.

17 days to go. Hang in there!!!!

3weeks to go

2007-11-18T11:05:00.000+08:00

It has been about a month since i last updated. reason being that i had my Picnic a PARADISE and also another similar picnic but i would call it Mission (im)Possible Picnic. ask me and i'll explain. hint, Situational picnic la hahhaa.

hoping to get to band. feeling afraid that that might not be possible. Getting an audition is tough enough let alone getting in. Hoping for the best.

Can't wait for this PARADISE to be over. sometimes i look out from my room and tell myself, " I can't believe i have completed so many weeks" telling myself this i can't help but say that those many weeks went by very fast. Can't believe i have completed most of the major activities and come out of it well and safe.

Will i miss PARADISE???... i need to be out of it before i can answer that question.

Christmas is around the corner but sadly like every other year i dream of a beautiful Christmas but never get one. If there is one thing i want, it would be a beautiful Christmas. hope to go out for gatherings with ppl i have not seen in months and for some, for the entire year. Miss the Voggies and Al'Madil.

This pic is of me and dil and mad during the Hari Raya outing hee hee...

Got this pic from Amy. reminded me of my days in Academy especially when it rains and everyone is late for 9am class and then the whole main corridor would look like a sea of umbrellas. cool right hee hee miss my days at the Academy. Take a look at the white board.... it is usually filled with notices of lost items, crapping comments, ads of concerts, notice from the head of our department and lots of rubbish drawings hahaha. you can call it a vandalising wall hahhaaa

oh well that is all for now. hope to update more. hee hee

24 days to GO!!!!!!! i can do one Chin-up YEAH!!!!!!!

Week of Freedom...Gone in a Flash

2007-10-21T15:19:00.000+08:00

well this day marks the end of my week long freedom. Don't think i spent it quite well though i did get to meet up with lots of friends whom i have not seen since i went to PARADISE.

Went to Central with Nix, Piggy and Lau Li, went to Coffer Club then for some dessert and then met Fake-Kevin. hahah
Practiced abit
Went to Academy to practice then watched some of their rehearsals, went with Ali-Bala-Ba for Coffee hahaha in the evening went to Jog
Practiced @ Academy, Concert by Academy Chorus, supper with Doctors and Ali and Pigggy then got a ride home from Clara Schumann hahhaa Miss your company and funny moments.
Turned pages for Platform then went home and jogged again
Movie alone, was fun and relaxing, then jogged again
Went house visiting with the Al'Madil peeps was fun and great to see old friends. well sadly not all of them came but its ok. Catch up soon again
met kitty for breakfast @ Han's then went to practice @ Academy then lunch at home he hee, jogged in the evening
and today jogged in the morning, church, lunch with Relatives and now blogging, later, back to PARADISE

Well i will be gone for a 2 weeks on a Picnic Camp @ PARADISE so till then take care and Enjoy life ya hahaha.

Sacrifices are needed in order to survive life's difficulties...sometimes those sacrifices are difficult to make. In need of Divine Intervention.

Stop blocking my way!!!!

2007-10-17T21:44:00.000+08:00

Why does everything seem to be blocking me from reaching my dreams.

Dreams that I have started to stop dreaming.

bringing myself back down to reality.

My Family obligations are just stopping me from reaching the stars.

being a good son or person that follows his dreams.

All i want to do is study music and perfect my craft.

learn from the best learn from all.

indulge in their culture.

I am beinging cornered.

cornered and unable to fight back.

some of us are born with a silver spoon in our mouths.

others work hard.

some of us have good opportunities.

others pray for one.

as much as i would love to go on studying

i have to tell myself i can't

honestly i can't

This is as far as i can go.

Praying for Divine intervention.

What is my future...

uncertain thats for sure.

Should i just stop now so that i won't feel the hurt later?

Stop blocking my way pls...

2007-10-07T11:01:00.000+08:00

Afraid to wake up each morning.
Afriad of what the day might be like.
Afriad of Death.
Afriad of finding my life has been turned upside down in a blick of an eye.
Afriad of what my future will be like.
Afriad that i won't be able to smell my future.
Afraid... that is what i feel always.

Feeling secure and problem free in PARADISE. It sickens me when i comes to the day where we get to go home. Home is a place where you feel safe and secure. I don't feel that anymore. I feel worry and sadness. I feel calmness in PARADISE, so much so i want to be there forever. Why am i feeling this way, i don't know. I have no answer to that. Although ppl in PARADISE i irrtating me and annoying me and making me feel bad about myself, i still like to stay there. WHY??? I don't know.

I want to get into band. I'm hoping for only the best man.

I want to fly away, fly away to the Vineyards of Austria. A place where i found peace in my heart. The Air is fresh, fresh with citrus smells, freshly baked bread, rich coffee, and everlasting culture, history and MUSIC. I belong there. If i die, i want to die there.

chows~

65 days to go!!!!

Finally... Music.

2007-09-30T14:08:00.000+08:00

went to the Wang Jian concert last night. quite disappointing really. I was truly expecting more from Wang Jian. Sasdly he did not match up to his write up in the program. He started the Elgar we great passion and energy but for some reason it died of slwoly and at the end it was just a normal performance with little excitment. No offfence but i hated the sound of his cello.

well to balance things out, i loved the Dvorak's 8th symphony by the SSO. it was truly beautiful and i must say the strings sounded better then usual. loved it alot and it made me thing of my days as a musician. i know it was not very long ago but still having been out of the "scene" for about 3+ months now, i'm starting to miss music alot. i feel drifted at times. do hope i get in to band and then i can regain my musician life again man.

when i'm in PARADISE, i often thing about my teacher and what advice he would give me when i made a mistake or weird interpretation. During the concert i kept on thinking about the days in the Academy having lesson and all the funny phrases he would use to discribe things and then Piggy and I would laugh along with Leo too. hee hee. the days of student life man. blissful.

I will start lessons as soon as i can man.

Love staying in PARADISE these days man. I know some of you might thing i'm crazy and all but i'm serious. i find it weird too. it actually makes me sick to go back home at times. but i guess its the part about seeing my mum, eating home-cooked food and playing my horn that draws me home really.

MOZART ROCKS MAN!!!!!

I miss VIENNA LIKE HELL!!!!!

CHOWS!

72 days to POP!!! still far i know hahhaa

Finally an update.

2007-09-23T16:42:00.000+08:00

well there is nothing for me to update really. just that i am getting slimmer and fitter and i am happy about that. haha.

been missing my Music life alot. Rehearsals, desk partners, concerts, concert feelings, conductors, gossiping during rehearsals etc. you the kind of things we musicians do. As each day pass i feel like i'm am being pulled away from my passion. Hope that does not pull me away for good. I miss playing in chamber groups and large orchestras. i miss the feeling of great chord progressions, wonderful melodies, harmony etc. I never knew i will reach a point where by i would long for it. 3 more months and it will all ge better...i hope.

well i updated the pics and vids on the right hand side of this page. do enjoy. I will find the time to update a proper entry. Till then take care and keep in touch

oh yes i would like to apologise if you can't reach me on myHP. Pls pls send an SMS its better and i will reply ASAP. I'm busy at PARADISE and can't find time to switch on my HP to reply you. Thank you for understanding.

CHOWS~

79 days till i "POP" haha

Hairspray!!!!

2007-08-26T09:58:00.000+08:00

Went to watch Hairspray alone yesterday. I must say it is one of those "feel good" movies where all through the movie you are happy and excited. the songs were great the stroy line is not to bad and the actors are cool... and of cause humourous all the way. A must watch!!!!

after the movie went out with my NAFA friends hahaha had a wonderful traditional Chinese dinner and Purvis Street. yum yum as you can see from the photo what we had. hahaha my Fav was the Hotplate Beancurd hee hee

then we went to Liang Seah Street nearby to have a Traditional Chinese Dessert at Ah Chews' hahaha and of course i had my Fav Honeydew with Sago...Large pls. hahahaha Nix had some kind of boiled Papaya thingy in milk...frankly speaking it tasted like HL milk with papaya accidentally dropped in it.hahahait was a nice relaxing night hahahaa today going to watch 881 witht he same peeps hee hee... will update on it next week haha

one of my friends in PARADISE told me this "What do you want to do after this 26 weeks?" I said not sure. then he said "Do you think we will get the same posting?" then i was like "NO!!!!" cause i'm aiming for band and he is like dreaming of Officer course. haha. frankly speaking i aslo said i will not keep most of the friends beyond the 26 weeks. i feel that the amount of things i have in common with them is limited. i'd probably keep like 1 or 2 friends. but i don't see myself keeping more then that. you friends come and go. there is no such thing as friends forever. be it destiny, fate, unforseen reasons, it is hard to keep a friendship for long. I've heard that the friends or "brothers" as they call it, will be the best you have ever met and will be together for very long. oh well... time will tell.

Till next week. rest well and enjoy life to the fullest.

CHOWS~

Some friends are just not worth keeping....

2007-08-18T21:01:00.000+08:00

been thinking alot about the friends i make in PARADISE and ask myself how many of them do i really like talking to, mixing with, dislike etc. Well initially i had no answer but now i do. heres the break down:

Total of 45 ppl:

about half of the total (22), i will choose not to keep in contact with after P.O.P
abt 10 more, given the chance, i would kill
10 more as friends
the remaining 2 as friends that i can have on a long term.

well you might say that it is abit too early to decide, but i guess this is a rough prediction. anything can happen in the next 4 months.

Had my Live-Range (Rifle shooting) this week. I felt i did well compared to the practice shoots a few weeks before. that is pretty much the only big thing that happened in PARADISE. I must say i was nervous and frighten about it at first. nervous of making mistakes and failing. Frighten of ppl being careless and end up someone gets hurt. but good news, all went well. everyone passed and everyone is fine.

well nothing much really. just waiting for a really good day in PARADISE. everyday is the same, wake up, PT, clean, eat, Drills, eat, clean, PT sleep. sian you know. but i guess its the firends inside that really decide how much fun you really have. I've learnt to have more fun and if need be, get a little crazy. aahahah

feel sleepy now. won't have time to blog tomorrow or the week. see you

CHOWS~

Finally a Music-filled day...

2007-08-12T15:45:00.000+08:00

As you all know I've been very desperate for concerts lately. can't blame me you know, i don't have good music in PARADISE you see. i don't count pop and good music...more of leisure sounds hahaha lame i know.

Anyway yesterday went out with Kit and Chiew Mimi. hahah went to Vivocity...so not me but went there cause i wanted to watch SSO play and also see Ike. He played the Carman Fantasy well and it was clear and neat. sadly the sound from the mics were bad. oh well. nonetheless it was fun. I especially loved Kelly Tangs arr. of Singapore songs. Super Uber Duper nice man... like movie soundtrack. aahjajaja YEAH FOR LOCAL TALENTS!!!!!

Anyway the three of us went this place call Corduroy Candy.the place like so Tai Tai one ok!!!! hahaha we felt glam hee hee. anyway here are the pics with caption.

Me and Mimi...this was Mimi;s first book out. hahhaa he does not look very much different i must say, just a little tan and a new haircut ahhahaa. was nice to see you. aahahaa

Yes and this is me posing upon request of Kitty...The Food Guru Strikes Again!!!! ( I love the Chair....fits me perfectly. ahhaha)
Heres what we ate... Chocolate Chip Cupcake...Yum yum and cute too... at the back Raspberry Frangipani Tart. Cool right...we were like amazed by the name so we decided to try.... i must say it was very nice. unique taste too.. on the left is the Raspberry and Strawberry Penna Cotta Yum yum...but i felt there was too much Raspberry flavour in it. oh well nice though. hhaaha
we also had Warm Chocolate Pudding with Chocolate Ice-cream. i know the Ice cream looks no where near chocolate... hahaha did not taste like it either. ahhaha but it was nice too. yum yum
Look at Mimi... poor boy have not tasted good food since he entered the PARADISE ahahaha
Heres the view from the rooftop of Vivocity... quite nice i must say... it was also a hot yet very windy day hahahaa nice!!!!!

Here a pic of Kit and me... ahahhaa after a failed attempt to take a pic on our own ahhahaa.... Bight day yahYup that was my saturday tea time fun ahhahaa after that went to watch SSO.

In the evening had Dinner with Kit and then went to watch Felix Chang's Recital at the VCH. I must say se plays very well and I especially loved his rendition on the Bach-Busoni Chaconne in D minor. very nice....i fell in love with the piece man. also like his version of Prokofiev Sonata no.3 in A minor. Cool. He played very well but i was not impressed. His playing did not give me the goosebumps of a heart pounding feeling...feelings which i got from Vladamir Feltsmens' playing. still it was definitely good.

Oh well thats my long weekend for you.!!!!! back to PARADISE tonight. hahaha can't wait.

18 Weeks to GO!!!!!!!

2007-08-10T14:28:00.000+08:00

its been a tough two weeks. last week was tough in camp, had many punishments and other exercises, runs jogs etc. was feeling very tired. when i booked out on Saturday i was relieved felt alive and ready for the weekend. who could have predicted that my life just took a hard left turn on the following Sunday morning. I lost my Dad on Sunday morning. I don't really want to talk about it. not that i want to forget but rather keep it more intimate to me. That morning I was a different person, i have never felt to helpless in my life, never felt so scared, never felt so poor. To see my mum helplessly crying was the most painful thing for me.

I sure we are all familiar with the phrase "Dreams DO come true.." well not that this was a dream, but rather, i was proven that Nightmares also come true. Yes, the death of my parents has been a nightmare that I've had since i was 6 years old. although this nightmare came like once in a few years, still i was very afraid of it everytime i got it.

Life goes on no matter what. I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for your kind donations, SMS and visits. It made my situation more bearable. Thank you once again.

In Fond Memory of my Dad

03.09.1946-05.08.2007

kena guard duty. ahahah

2007-07-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

well this was pretty cock up i would say. was suppose to "land" on Friday night but then kena Guard duty. I had mixed feelings about it actually. i was excited and partly uphappy as the rest got to sail home. anyway the Guard duty went well. was dame sleepy and my feet were aching like mad man. haha. oh well it was a good experience for me. good thing was nothing strange happened although were very dark and eerie places, dogs, snails mating, annoying flies....hahhaa etc. oh well.

went back to school yesterday to see my friends and also practice abit. i must say the walls of the school felt dead and lifeless. sad actually. when i was still schooling the life of the school was very high, corridors bustling with musicians of all kind, crazy lecturers, irritating students, ppl breaking rules, ppl making music. yes the walls then had life...it had music embedded in them. sad actually. i was happy yo hear that my Juniors had improve alot and are very excited to improve and make better music. good good. all the best to them.

truly miss the days in school man. it is one of those things that, when you are going through it, you feel sick but when its over, you miss it.

oh well its over now

went to Tiong Bahru Market for breakfast with Kitty. ahhaa Hot Date!!!! it was nice to have chui kueh (hmm not sure of the spelling), peanut pancake, White fungus and longan dessert and hot Holicks on a cold Sunday morning. hahaa was fun talking and eating. hee hee. will post pics next week. but here's last weeks pics.

heres Pignix, Ali me and Jerry @ Cheese cake Cafe hahahaa Sinful really

heres with Kitty in green...hhahaa
Me and my hot date @ Coffee Club having Dinner yum yum
Our Sinful Friends, Mr. Rum and Raisin, Miss Banana Chocolate, Miss Peanut Butter and Mr. Cappuccino hahahahaa
heres the birthday boy...and his new watch from Kitty. ahhahaa Awwww so sweet. look at that smile...SO BIG!!!!!

well thats all for now... hee hee....

ARGH!!!!!!!! miss the Ravel Piano Concerto concert because of Guard Duty!!!!! so wasted sia

20 weeks to go...!!!!!

It has been a difficult week...

2007-07-22T10:29:00.000+08:00

this week was a tough one. had a new introduction of a rifle. and with came lots of drills and responsibilities. sian. had fun but it was short lived when i developed a sharp pain in my knee which did not allow to perform as well. oh well.

starting to make good friends in there but none can be compared to the ones i already have on "Mainland". I finally understand what ppl say when musicians are one of a kind and musicians can only mix with musicians. haha oh well... not that that is a problem for me.

Starting to notice alot a werid characters in there. ppl that are power hungry and suck up all the time. ppl who think they know everyting and ppl who think that others are more stupid then them. sigh. i'll just stick to my in-camp click and hope i can pull through safely and successfully.

learning the ways of a regimental life slowly and coping with all the aspects i disagree with. its difficult but i do try.

met up with kitty and ali and jerry yesterday for dinner. was nice to see the girls after so long. brought me back to the days when we were in school and all the luch breaks we had together. oh well. hope we keep in contact for as long as possible.

21 weeks to go!!!!!

My Creed....

2007-07-15T17:24:00.000+08:00

Mein Zweck, ist für mein Land

Meine Bemühungen, sind Endlos

Mein Spriet, Stirbt nie

Well don't know what it means. too bad hahaha. each time as the time gets closer to going back "In" my stomach fills with butterflies. The feeling sucks but i guess it is what every man in my wonderful country needs to go through.

What i did this weekend. went out with dil for coffee at TCC then with to TPCC concert, not bad finally some good music. compared to the ones i hear on that island. haha. Today went to celebrate Miss Vogue's 21st year of existence. hahaha so sad.... spend alot of money man this weekend. ok next week i am going to stay at home and rot. ahahhaa. jkjk. atleast i ate something other then Chicken. I HATE CHICKEN!!!!!! hahaha oh well have to go back to P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E soon so i'll keep it short.

Sprain my back last week and as a result have not done much exercise yet. so sad. feel so dame fat. hahahahaa. oh well this week will be better.

That's all for now.

CHOWS~

getting use to it...

2007-07-07T21:48:00.000+08:00

waking up early...
doing exercise...
running here and there...
shouting most of the time...
seeing ppl in underwear most of the time...
horrible weather...
hate the afternoons...
seeing ppl with attitube problem...
seeing ppl in green everywhere i turn...ewwww
food still sucks...the tot of it makes me feel sick...
i hate my buddy...
my roommates are not bad...
made some good friends...only time will tell if they are friends i would keep in my life after all this...

Miss home...
Miss my Horn...
Miss my freedom...
Miss Studying...
Miss performing...
Miss being a musician...

It will all be over soon.

23 weeks to go.

CHOWS~

Back from PARADISE

2007-06-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

Well this is my 1st entry since i came out from PARADISE (for those who know what is PARADISE...good. for those who don't ask me. i don't want ppl to find my blog so I'll use many codes. be imaginative ok.) well i came out last week actually for my Convo. hee hee had to put on the gown with my bald head hahaha. atleast not in the fashionable green outfit hhahaa. here are some pics. thanks to kitty ofcourse. the 1st one is of kitty, jerry and me. hhahaa i know loook funny right. i think so two. for some reason we look like the three characters in Harry Potter hahahaha cool right. well we had fun pretending to be magicians man. hahaha i was like disturbing jerry by pretending to be a gospel singer. ahahhaa. FYI jerry hates gospel singers. ahahhahaaa
here is one with the addition of Miss VOgue and her new hair do. one problem, What's with the bag man. hahahaa take pic also need bag... like makcik hee hee.

well many ppl are asking me about me losing weight. well good news, I DID!!!!! to date i lost 7kg in 14days. haahha i know not so obvious yet but the numbers don't lie. hee hee. have i gotten darker? duh i did. stupid question from some ppl.

so what is it like in PARADISE?

well, my buddy is an idiot
ppl think i'm 18...not complaining about that hee hee
some one asked me, "are you Eurasian?" No idiot!!!!!
ppl can't count to 52.
what is 47-4? 39.....*roll eyes*
head count 1,2,3,4,5, ... 37, 48, 49 !!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! are you dumb
food not very nice
common phrase in my head "it is the Stupid ones that tell others not to do Stupid things"
a certain someone is a DJ. thinks highly of himself... has no sense of pitch or melody...does not know what is Tempo when i asked him.
one of my "roommates" thinks he is a chio-bu.... sigh
common topic..."how many times i FUCKED my GF"
some ppl's stupidity level is high
my room view is beautiful...i can see Changi Airport.
other residence on the same floor as me....two beautiful birds and 3 chicks. very sweet. don't worry they don't make much noise.
Flies are everywhere.
can run up 5 stories in 10sec.
my buddy is dumb beyond words
"hey... why you got alot of hair ah?" ..hmmm CAUSE I AM AN INDIAN perhaps. DUH!!!!!!!
sight of ppl who think they are hot and parade in their shrinking undies. HELP!!!!!! EYEMO!!!!!!!!
I CAN TOUCH MY TOES!!!!!!

well thats is about as much as i can remember for now. as you can tell, there are some really dumb ppl man. ahhahahahhahaa oh well each individual is special. *roll eyes*

went out today with Nix to get some PARADISE Stuff and sat down to chat about our experiences. hahaa interesting man to find out two company's way of doing things ahhaaa had a good laugh.hee hee well FYI we are both in the same building hee hee won't mention what company but hint Birds of Prey. hee hee then went to get more stuff for my holiday next week and had a good cup of Gloria Jeans Mocha Vanilla Chiller!!!! hee hee i know i should not take it. but i need to reward myself mah.

had a very high fever last night and in the morning. but felt good as new after shopping. see Retail Terapy WORKS!!!!!! ahhahahaha

tomorrow go for movie man ahahahahaa yeah!!!!! then go back to PARADISE hahhaaa SIAN!!!!!!! oh well as a friend told me... "take it as it comes...one day at a time." thanks

will update more next week if possible. Thanks to those for your nice SMS. it truly keeps me going. hope to see everyone soon.

CHOWS~

My last Civilian day!!!!

2007-06-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

Well today is the day where is will become a Solider!!!!! ahhaa yah rite. not so soon la. must train first.

thanks to all for your wonderful and encouraging msgs. will miss you guys too hahaha.

Slimming Sanctuary here i come hahahaa.

here are the before pics i promised. lets see if there will be an after pic. ahhaa. hopefully. well till then, enjoy life ppl. Love this pic. ahahhaa except the obvious tummy hahahaha
Pic of me and Kitty ahahhaa she claims i'll be as slim as her. ahahaha
Yes this is of me and Miss Vogue ahhahaa cool pic. will miss the company and accompaniment ahhahaa see ya soon.

Oh yah before i forget. Pls do not call me HP anymore. Do SMS me, or e-mail me ok. My phone will be off most of the time. I will try to replay msgs. no promises.

See you all...

CHOWS~

PS: Might not update for anytime soon. if i can i will.

1 DAY to P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E!!!!!!

2007-06-14T09:59:00.000+08:00

1 DAY to P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E!!!!!!

Yes one more day. Feeling it right now. Just woke up and tot to myself, i won't have my nice blanket and soft pillows when i wake up each morning. on the other hand, i do feel quite excited and sort of looking forward to going there.

Cherishing every moment i have right now. trying not to think about it too much. hmmm. oh well. I guess like i always say, "I'm going to a Slimming Sanctuary!!!" hahaha lame i know. I guess i feel comforted by the fact that even if i feel the difficulty, i will have my friends to turn to...well turn to bitch and gossip about hahahaaa..... jkjk of course ask for valuable advice *cough*

Thanks Joy for the wonderful Flower and Chocolate!!!! will miss you too. I'll meet up soon with you ahhahahaa Secert date!!!! haahaha

What will i miss most... My Mum and her food. ahahaha yup call me a mummy's boy is fine, i'm not shy about that. no matter how old we get, we will always be a young child in our mothers' eyes

will miss going to the movies, eating, concerts, hanging out and chatting, sleepovers, etc.. oh well lucky its only temporary. haha. really hope i make good friends there. will keep you updated when i can

well some of you "Good" Friends ask for a Before and After pic. up for sure i'll put it up once there is sufficient contrast ahahahaha.

oh well nothingelse to update. hee hee... will put my last post tomorrow. hee hee

CHOWS~

2 DAYS to P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E!!!!!!

2007-06-13T10:06:00.000+08:00

2 DAYS to P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E!!!!!!

Many of my friends have been really surpportive. Enjoyed the Shopping for toliteries and essentials. Thanks for all the many lunch, coffee, dinner sessions where we meet just so you guys could "enlighten" me on my "holiday" to P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E

"Hey, you must touch your Pink IC more often, you won't see it for like the next 2 plus years...haha" -Many friends

Was packing up stuff last night and my mum said, "Oi!! just remember ah you not going to a resort ah...!!!" hahaha i guess i looked very excited and willing to go. hahaha well like many ppl say "you go in then talk" hahahaa WHATEVER!!!!

Wonder how i'll look man. well some of you can see me during the Convocation. the rest, hmmm...wait long long. hahaha Can;t wait for my shopping spree in December with Ali and also another one with Mad...Oh Congrates to Mad for finally finishing your duties with the ARMY..lucky you. ahahhaa

This is the point in my life where i'll take the oppotunity to get some ppl out of my life. its the perfect reason and chance. well a new chapter in my life, it'll be a good one. not sure how it will read, but i guess i'll take it as it comes.

CHOWS~

Countdown to Paradise

2007-06-12T01:00:00.000+08:00

3 DAYS to P.A.R.A.D.I.S.E!!!!!!

yes finally my much awaited "Holiday" has arrived. Quite frankly i'm not sure if i'm excited or worried. ahahah. oh well like some of my friends said "Take it a Day at a time"

Wonder if i'll make many friends...or worst....ENEMIES!!!! well i do hope i make good friends. Who doesn't hahaaa

"A new chapter of your life is going to unfold...cherish it..."

-Eugene

As you can already tell.....ITS ALL GREEN from now. ahahhaa not my Fav choice of colours but i guess for now it is. ahahahhaa

Is the grass always "Greener" on the other side?....we'll see... i'll get a first hand look. ahahaha

Foresee that i will not be updating much, going out much, seeing friends much, online much, playing my horn much. Sacrifices for my Patriotic Duties.

Since i'm in a green mood.... Watched Shrek 3 not too bad. funny, yes. Loved the graphics man. but prefered Shrek 2. Shrek babies were cute. ahahhaha

Fav. Character...Puss in Boots hahaha. not sure why. haha CUTE!!!!!

Well thats all for now. Later last rehersal!!!! sigh. next two days, last performances. Oh well Life goes on.

Struggling to be...

A Good Friend,

A patient man,

A good brother,

A proper son,

A faithful follower,

...

myself

CHOWS~

Singapore needs Help...ASAP!!!

2007-06-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

Hi hi,

went to watch Men in White just now with Nix. I must say it was DAME FUNNY like hell man... Basically the whole movie you will be laughing. I give this movie 4 out 5 points. mainly cause it was entertaining and kept my eyes on the screen. Some pointless moments but very short-lived before another crazy joke comes along. I won't talk much about the movie cause you need to catch it and watch it to understand. well mainly because I'm too lazy to type the whole thing out. ahahaa ....guaranteed laughter after the movie we went for a recital by Kevin bobo "One of America's top marimba artists.." quote from the programme booklet.

I have come across recitals and performances where, what ever is written on the programme booklet usually sounds other wise from the current playing. *go think about it on your own* Bobo's recital was one that i must say, his performance reflected what he (or maybe someonelse) had wrote about him. In short, he was AMAZING!!!!! amazing AMAZING amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To date i have only heard or personally felt that only two percussionist are really musical, one is Angeline a.k.a mama and the other, Kevin Bobo.

He had a wonderful stage presence and had good eye contact with the audience. he was charismatic, engaging and above all FUN!!!! he did not come across as arrogant or crappy etc. Well worth my $12 hhahaa i would have paid more. Fav piece of the evening, Dreams (from Night Sketches) Kevin Bobo. If ever you get a chance, go for his concert. truly AMAZING!

Side note:Never knew a Marimba could sounds so beautiful....I guess under the right hands it comes alive.

HOW TO.....

How to have a bad audience.

Get a bunch of school kids...noisy ones
throwing a pinch of kids who think they know alot
Get some adults who are not educated in concert etiquette
oh yah don't forget to classic late comer

TA-DAH.... there you go, your wonderful 'Bad Audience'

SINGAPORE NEEDS HELP.... A.S.A.P

CHOWS~

Vienna Revisited

2007-06-05T10:03:00.000+08:00

The past weekend I was at my Teacher's place. He like to have parties and Yes as Students we love to go to his parties. mainly for the Good food and the Boose.hahahhaa

Was talking to Dr. Mannhart about studying in Germany. I must say I was slowly losing the feeling of studying there until he started to talk about it. I felt that really good and warm feeling i had in Vienna. He mentioned that in Germany, ppl love music...love so much that they love to perform alot. and if you think we have alot of performances in Singapore....think again...Germany has like atleast 10times more performances man. Have you come across a Bach Mass performed at our local churches? Chances are NO!!!! how about Handle's Oratorios? NOPE!!!! This is why I want to study there. The Culture is so rich and Vibrant. I belong there. I want to Go to Germany and Vienna. A friend of mine asked me, "why you want to go to Vienna so much? what is so wonderful about it?". I replied, "when i came back from Vienna, My body and soul came back but i left my heart there." corny?? ..Its the truth. what is so wonderful? I can't explain, you have to there and live it. then you would know.

Thanks Dr. Mannhart for rekindling the feeling i alomst lost.

Sometimes you want for yourself a good future but things like family stop you from having it. so in that situation is family bad or good?

Is supporting your family finacially more important then the desire to study more with the great masters?

How to Cook Brownie THE WRONG WAY!!!!

2007-06-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

What did you do on Vesak day? Me? I Tried to make a Brownie...

STEP1: Hire Someone who has NO GOD DAME CLUE on how to make a Brownie.... yes this is my friend Madeni ...hahahaa check out the hair do hee hee.... STEP2: Pretend to understand the instructions and ingredients....Cooking Oil is NOT Vegetable oil. hahhaaa....
STEP3:pour the dry ingridents into a bowl big enough more mess..
STEP4: Add two eggs...we added 3 gagagaga

STEP5: Stir welll....(HINT, get a friend to help if arms gets too weak....get those who stand around...like hilmi...hahaha)
Yup theres Hilmi...looking "helpful" as always...

And of course i need to look like i was helping right...hahhahaa Actually i was ok....
STEP6: check if it is smooth as a babies bottom... hahahaaa
Our cooker....no oven...Microwave oven will have to do....

The poor chicks that gave up their lives for our experiment...i mean dessert. hahahahaa RIP little ones
STEP7: Pour the SMOOTH mixture into a well GREASED pan. pour from the centre so that the batter spreads evenly.

STEP8: Pray that is will look like the one on the Box

STEP9:place into the oven and follow instructions on the back of the Box...does not always work. (me speaking from recent experiences.)
The result after 5 min. DISASTER!!!!!! the oven too HOT.. hee hee

Plan B: small pan, less heat more praying....

YEAH potential success....Yup looks good right... NOPE!!! It was hard as ROCK!!!! Arghh......STEP 10: get a friend to try it...and pretend to like it.... ahhahaa.....

Well thats all folks.... And this is How to Cook Brownie THE WRONG WAY!!!!

Helpful Hints:

Get someone who knows how to COOK IT first!!!!
Prepare ingredients well in advance. hahahahha

Happy Cooking.....Thanks Madeni for your efforts...had fun!!!!!

Beautiful ppl...

2007-06-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

Nope this is not one of my "I Think she is so hot..." post. I just used this pic to say "This is Beauty"

True, a Picture paints a thousand words, but how much of those words does it say about the character of the person. From this pic, can you tell if she is arrogant, shy, polite, mean, happy-go-lucky, etc? chances are your answer is a "No"

Was loooking at some top models pic and of course all my Fav idols pic and i was telling myself, "God!!! they are so beautiful and perfect" after telling myself that for like a couple of million times, I started to think about it.

God has the power to make humans look good and bad. but none perfect. Not sure if he could, but i'm not doubting him. I always believe, or rather was taught that, each one of us are born with specials gifts. they do not need to be wonderful ones but things that make us special.

Example:

When i saw that Blind girl at Wheellock singing, i remember telling myself, "Good took away her Sight but gave her a beautiful voice."

my point is, for models, beauty is their gift. They look truly good and wonderful, but i will not agree with the word perfect. Which brings me to my next point, we think, or most ppl think that beautiful ppl don't have flaws. well THEY DO. the diff is how well they hide it.

Example:

Beckham...looks good, fantasy of alot of gals....but his voice is so weird and shril.

Not trying to trash any one here.

Some ppl are just so concerned with how they look that it just engulfs them. They start taking weight lose pills, surgery, change their fashion sense (which does not work all the time) etc. I guess we need to learn to except ourselves the way we are. but i think striving for beauty is really difficult and at times you hurt the ones closest to you.

One of my friend said this which made me think alot, " All my Fat friends change once they get slimmer. Don't know why. They are more fun and lovable when they were fat, now they are more mean and drift away." I actually tought about this and wondered to myself, "will I become like this one day" I hope not but i also can't say that i will confirm not change. I guess its a painful thing to lose a friend just because your friend has become more good looking. I guess when you are fat you feel the world is against you and hence you do not fight back with insults etc. but once you are thin you feel that now you can vent your "Beauty" on the fat ones. I think that is just sad. I really pray i don't become like that. I still want my friends.

I think being fat is good in a few was it has made me more understanding to the shape of other ppl's body and to be not so vain like some ppl i know. Walk down orchard road on a weekend and you see many kinds of ppl. I sat at one of the Coffee Club and ppl watched. I realised how some ppl just shun away some others mainly because you look fat or ugly. Went to some shops and saw how sales ppl treat ppl how look good and those who don't. sad but that's reality.

Oh well thats all for my Beautiful ppl entry hahahaa

CHOWS~

Update

2007-05-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

WEll it has been some time since i last updated my blog. well been busy lately. not with work or anything, more like going out with friends and catching up with old ones.

Pirates of the Caribbean Marathon....

well i went for this with three of my closest classmates. ahhahaa Piggy, Pignix and Penguin. hahaha hence we are the P's ahhahaa ya i know lame. Had fun really, rushing for the FREE FLOW of popcorn which we all enjoyed and also got sick of by the 3rd movie. haha. I loved all three installments of POC. This was good for me mainly cause i have not seen the 1st and 2nd before. so its like might as well all in one. after the movies we tried to scare ourselves by going to some haunted road which was like eerie and all. but in the end we looked at stars. hahaa well it was still nice. after that went to Fongseng at the west coast area to eat then when to West coast park to exercise. ahahha lame right. that was like 7 am. hee hee. finally sent Pignix too school and went to CCK to have Mac Breakfast before going home at 9.26am. hee hee the day did not end there. had to go Esplanade for meeting for our Outdoor gig next month.

Me and Penguin trying to look interested in the Popcorn....Trying

not to mention our occasional silliness....result of little sleep... ahhahaha

Catch up with the Bitches....

last Sunday meet up with my old friends at Manhattan Fish Market (MFM) at PS for Lunch. It was nice to sit for lunch and Bitch each other to the core. ahhahaa so fun. welll i do missed those times of pure brainless conversations and limitless bitching and crapping. not to mention all the silly things Mad tries to do or rather TRY to act glam when he knows he fails at it. ahahahaa. oh well. then at night went to our usual hang out to have Dinner. it was nice eating that food after like months of not going there. hahaha had fun.

Chamber Sounds...

been rehearsing, arranging, practicing for the past few days for our upcoming gig at the Durian next month. I do hope it would be good and fun too. Tensions are rising sometimes...Keep it cool guys...it is fun playing in Chamber Sounds mainly because the group is fun and light hearted. lots of funny rehearsals and silly comments all the time. hahah. one of the things i will greatly miss.

Well Lau Li had a SORT of had a dinner for me and Nix... WHICH SHE CONVENIENTLY FORGOT!!!! ahahahahaa

Thanks anyway...Touched. hee hee Miss crapping with you and fighting with you.

A Moment to Remember...Willl blog soon....

CHOWS~

2007-05-26T13:43:00.000+08:00

CooL Weather

Great MoviE

HOme ALone

Nothing to Do for ThE daY

PhonE OfF

Tub of Haagen Dazs Midnight Cookies and Cream

My PerfecT Rainy Day

Family

2007-05-21T22:56:00.000+08:00

Well was looking at more old photos hee hee so i decided to put up some of me and my Family. her is one when i was like 4 i think and the one below is my annoying brother when he was 3 i think hahahhaa. Both are my Mums fav pics of us.
here is a rare pic of my Dad in his younger days of course. this is on his trip to melaka i think in the 90's hee hee

one of my most well loved and cherished pic of me and my mum. if there is one thing i take and run in a fire, this is it. quote "wow i need to show this to my friends....let them see how i looked when i gave birth to you...hahaha"-mum

oh well a picture paints a thousand words...hhahaa well just wanted to upload it and also my mum was playing with the scanner hahahaa

hey if you have a chance watch Chloe. its a jap film, very nice and heart warming in a way. hahaha

CHOWS~

Phantom of the Opera 2007

2007-05-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

20th May marks the end of a 3 month long journey for me. Yes the Phantom of the Opera Season Singapore 2007 has ended. A few days back i was telling myself, how much I want this to end. now that it has ended, I feel weird, Happy and Sad at the same time. I guess it started to kick in that its ending when i started to write postcards to the two Conductors, Vanessa Scammell and Craig Renshaw. In the postcards i expressed my thanks for this wonderful experience. I must say i did not perform to my best. Oh well i only hope and pray that the next time i get such a chance, i'll do far better.

Here is a group shot of the whole Cast and Company. see if you can find me hahhaa.
Misses....

The cramp Orchestra Pit
The food corner in the Guys Dressing room.... hmm wonder why its there. hahaha
Craig's craziness in the Pit....great 'In-Pit' Entertainment
The Gun shot in Act 1
the Falling Chandelier in Act 1
the Green Room food...very nice !!!!!!
my desk partner without whom i would not have gotten trough the musical.
Desmond, for all the conversations at the Subway, and Cab rides home.
Eugene for all his funny emails
Andris for great company when i'm bored.
my score which was my friend for this whole season.
Vanessa conducting with her Handbag...ahhahahaa real funny, man
Craig's funny conducting and funny faces he makes while conducting.
my locker where my mutes called 'home'

Here is my pass and the brochure i had trough the whole season. NOTE: the brochure was to fan away the smole from the dry ice and also when the pit gets too warm. hahahaha my POTO satay fan hee hee...

During the break between the end of Act 2 and the Playout, i was thinking to myself, This is the life of a professional musician. you just play music day in and day out. you meet new people all the time. some you love to work with and some you just hate. oh well.... it was a good glimpse of the professional life.

Sad to know that MUSIC can bring two people together and also pull two friends apart. how can this be? it surprises me. How can something so magical as Music be so evil and destroy friendships. the Wonders. Yes its true. POTO ended on a slightly bad note.

Thanks...

Vanessa Scammell for this opprtunity of a lifetime
Craig Renshaw for your jokes.
Miss Vogue my wonderful accompanist without whom i would not have passed the POTO auditions
My Desk partner for the great company you gave...
My good friend (you know who you are) thanks for the advice, support and words that kept me going.

oh well.... there goes my winfall. doubt something like that will ever come back soon hahaa.

Anyway ppl.... I HAVE MY LIFE BACK!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers to a wonderful experience

CHOWS~

A series of unfortunate events

2007-05-20T00:37:00.000+08:00

A series of unfortunate events....? hmm... i guess so. I think I'm living it now. Don't know how it started or why but it did. Bad Karma? hmm could be. Bad luck? hmm maybe. oh well whatever it is, I would like it to stop.

I need a blanket...so that i can hide under and not see the world outside. The world frightens me... it frightens me senseless...

Mistakes mistakes and more mistakes.

Mistakes in my playing, in what i say, in what i try to be.

When will this nightmare end. I want it to end now.How i wish i could just close my eyes and open them again and to see that all of this is over. I'm feeling more stress than when i was in school. Why!!!!!!

I want to hide from the world.

I need you with me, where are you when i need you the most...

Stefan Dohr is a real living legend. My idol. My dream.... Alan you're catching the clouds on a windy day.

CHOWS~

Teachers

2007-05-18T01:04:00.000+08:00

had a conversation with a friend today on how our teachers make us feel better in bad situation. like on the days you just can't play well and feel like giving up, our teachers are always there to say the right stuff to make things better. not sure how their simple words can mean so much and make things better. amazing. When you are nervous for a performance or and exam, their words will just somehow put you at ease. atleast for me. My teacher has made me the muscian i am today.

I remember once i had a performance for Brass class. that was in year 2 sem1. I played very badly and i just felt terrible and just broke down infront of everyone. I just felt that i let down my teacher and wasted his time teaching me. I know that he knows waht had happen in the class but he does not say a word about it. I guess he encourages me in other ways. When i got the POTO gig, he was very happy. then when it started and i made so many mistakes, i just felt really bad. I felt like as if i wasted my 3 years of learning from him. I felt like i let him down. Even now a i type, i still feel that awkward feeling of disappointment on myself. After some shows i would just run away from the ppl i usually go home with and go home alone. I would at times just cry silently in the bus.

I miss my teacher and i like my teacher alot. I have learnt a few things from this POTO gig, to listen at all times, and be alert at all times cause anything can happen in a split second. and the fact that i have not learnt enought from my teacher. I guess it goes to show that learning is a never ending journey.

This entry is to aknowledge all the wonderful teachers that i have learnt many valuble things from, Tang Xiao Ping, Zhang Jin Min, Gao Jian (my first horn teacher), Elaine Yeo, Jin Ta, Jacomo, Fredi, Dennis Wick, Gerd Seifret, Berry Tuckwell. sorry if i missed out any.

and of course to my wonderful teacher Mr. Han Chang Chou...cool cuflinks hahahaa

CHOWS~

Old Pics

2007-05-17T01:24:00.000+08:00

Ok here are the old pic i promised. Looks funny actually. hee hee. Enjoy. Well i had fun with the Scanner hahahaa. The 1st one is my Baby Pic followed by a pic of me and i primary school friend. like so nerdy right. hahahahaa so funny to look back at it.
This on was taken like in 2001. I remember this pic was taken near my house after one of our band practice. hahaha like so funny sia. Sorry Daniel. but i had too. ahahhahaa
This is a pic of me and Daniel with OUR TUBAS!!!!!!!! ahhahaa in the end we end uo with other instruments.ahhahaa I know the uniform sucks like big time hahaha. Outdorr band mah must catch ppl's attention. hee hee.

Hope you had fun laughing.... i know i did hhahahaa

CHOWS~

L again

2007-05-16T09:54:00.000+08:00

Was reading through some old e-mails and suddenly i was thrown into the realms of Memory lane. Was reading emails from only on person. Well basically it is all from L yes all 400+ of them. Never knew i had so many until i actually checked the bottom of the email page. hahaha. Was reading them and realised how this friendship started, by words. emails actually. we just started emailing each other. the main reason because we were from different schools. I also realised how i express myself in written words. yes. I'm seriously not good in speaking, in writing yes i can express myself better. the interesting thing is L is like that too, she writes well but when it comes to talking, ahhahaaa nothing but crap. hee hee. sorry.haha. The thing i like about L too is that she is not afraid to express herself. even if ppl will not understand.

Our Friendship is based on once in awhile meeting but constantly emailing each other. I rarely go out with her cause she is busy and i also don't want to give the wrong impression. I guess she knows that. After Pignix, whom I've know for more than 11years, L is the next longest friend i have. I won;t disclose the years I've know her. its alot. She has always been by my side when the going get tough. she is always there when i need a helping hand. but recently she has been too busy to email. oh well. always, i know she does not do this on purpose. we'll go out soon. Movie again??? ahhaa

Her emails never fail to make me smile. all the silly comments, lame examples, constant jumping of topics, and the many many questions she asks in one email. Sometimes i do wish for more time with her but i have learnt to be happy with what i have. I am afraid if i ask for more she will distant me. and i know i will not bare to see that happen. If anyone knows me the best, its L. I talk to her about everything, anything under the sun. hee hee.

"...you can resist looks but one can never resist charm..." quote from the movie Priceless. it was a wonderful movie and the quote is so true. I feel like that for L. I guess it was her irresistible charm that got me.

Amazed:
Was at Lido last weekend alone and i was walking in the underpass and i heard this beautiful voice. It was the Blind girl with a beautiful singing voice. I fell in love with her voice. i stood nearby to listen and was thinking how God works in different ways. He took away her sight but blessed her with a beautiful voice. I guess he took away her sight so she will not see ppl and feel nervous or see the expressions of the not so appreciative ones. probably that is why her voice is so strong and beautiful.

Was talking to Wei ping yesterday and we stumbled on the topic of going our seprate ways. it then dawned on me that it is becoming true. We are all going our seprate ways. only some of us will keep in contact. its like when you leave Primary school, then Secondary school etc. we always say "keep in contact ok..." but a few months later, the contact is lost. so i guess i'm prepared for that. especially when we all go different countries to study and all. its sad but at some point you need to let go and move on with life. sure we can say "friends forever, we'll talk on MSN, meet up ok?, etc" easier said then done. oh well. i'm quite happy with the very few close friends i have. I do try my best to keep in touch but sometimes the other party is not willing. sigh. ppl move on. I will miss those wonderful days!!!!

on this is becoming like a super long entry for the morning hahahaa. anyway ppl do watch Bridge to Terabitia, it is a light hearted fairytale but the stroy moves to fast i would say. i actually cried at one point. It is one of those movies that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. hahahaa.

CHOWS~

Random

2007-05-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

been thinking lately about how other react to a certain situation where they become the victim. confused? I'll explain. Well it is human nature to say mean things weather or not you mean it is another topic on its own. some ppl say mean stuff to me and it really hurts inside. but just because i don't react to it does not immediately mean that i don't feel offended. I keep it inside cause reacting will blow the small problem into a big one. i know my self and my tongue is not good. thus i refrain from shooting back insults. now when the tables are turned and i shoot at some ppl then they feel the pain and get so emotional about it. They start showing their pissed off face or fight back with insults too. NOTE: I'm not referring to any one or any particular situation. Just tot about it. Anyway, I don't see why I have to hide what i feel inside. well maybe i do know why, cause i don't want to hurt others. something i've learnt through experience is that the tongue is not a very nice thing. it can cause equal amounts of hurt and joy. Sometimes ppl say things by accident. like out of anger or slip of the tongue but when it is persistent and regular, then of course it means something.

Enlightened:

I have come to realise that you are not a very nice person. I tot you were. your true COLOURS have shown and I'm sadden by it.
remember person Y? I now got the answer. She is not that one for me. She is Rasict. That is a good enough reason to hate and erase her out of my life. Slowly but surely.

Random:

Should I be angry? Yes. Cause as a human i have feelings and i am entitled to feeling mad about it.
I'm not obligated to tell anyone what i feel or think. I don't need to.
1 week left. 8 shows more to go. and Phantom of the Opera is over. What do I feel about it? Mixed. but that will be on a different post.

foound some old photos of myself and old friends. I put them up soon. it also gives me a chance to use a scanner hahaha. Yes its my first time using it. Excited. hahaha

Here are some over due photos hahaa.

this harp player was actually busking in the Streets of Vienna. She is so pretty and not to metion she plays well too. hahahaa

This is part of my Horn section in SNYO, Me, Corwin and Qian Hui. in Vienna 2005. sigh miss Vienna alot.

The Chamber Sounds Rag time @ Esplanade Concourse 2007. it was fun hahhaa fun to dress up too. hee hee

Thats all for now. CHOWS~

2007-05-08T15:09:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in the company and just felt that the problems of the world just disappear. just for that moment, you feel Alive!!!! When ever i'm with you i feel at ease. i feel that i can be myself. I don't have to worry that you don't like somthing i said, don't have to worry on where to eat or where to hang out. its like anyhting goes and we have the same ideas etc. but sadly this wonderful moment does not come often. how i wish it did. well i'm happy with what i already have and could not ask for more. You are a wonderful friend to me and special on too. In your presence i feel a sence of unearthly miss with myself and the world. I feel human, i feel that it is alright to be who i am and not worry about what my friends think. If only i had more friends liike you....but wait...then you would not be special. so rephrase, i'm thankful i have a friend like you.

Peace...yes that is what i feel...Peace with myself.

Made to good wonderful investments recently, I got my own Computer!!! YEAH YEAH!!!! and my OWN HORN!!!!!!! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!!! feeling great about it. Atleast i'm glad i did not spend my money on useless stuff. hahahaha.

A friend of mine said this, "Girls will find it sweet if you pick them up in your car and pay for meals etc..." I totally disagree. I think when you are in a relationship and not yet married, the girl or the partner should be as independent as the other. I feel this way you can tell if the partner is in for your money or your love. if it is your love that he/she wants, then paying for each other is not necessary. of course there are exceptions like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. oh well this is my point of view. you don't have to agree.

well that is all now hahhaa. afternoon blogging is so not fun. hee hee

FACT: Old ppl move fastest when rushing to get a seat on the bus.

CHOWS~

2007-05-04T13:29:00.000+08:00

Something to think about:

DO you get attached because she is beautiful? Or was it her heart that attracted you. DO you get attached becuase she is coolest girl? Or was it her flaws. What do we really look for in the "Right person"? do we really go for looks only?

Saw this couple last week. he was my friend, that was the 6th girl i saw him with. it made me sick. MCP.

Getting attached should be a serious thing not for fun. its noo wonder the opposite sex always say Guys are like animals or MCP.

oh well. just wanted to post this hee hee...

DVDs and CDs

2007-05-03T16:32:00.000+08:00

Well I am getting into my latest hobby of Watching DVDs man hahaha. All the movies that i have always wanted to watch but never got the chance. either it came out at the wrong time or had no money to watch at cinemas. for some of you who know me lang enough you would know that the first time i actually watched a movie at the cinemas was when i finished my O's that was like at 16. hahaa so i did not manage to catch alot of movies. hee hee you could call it a "movie-catching-up" period for me hee hee. I plan to watch many Korean and Jap movies and also the Lord of the Rings in FUlll (never watched before) the Pirates of the Carribean, other Art films too hee hee. my mun is so going to kill me hahhaaa.

I want to get a CAMERA man hee hee..... I want the Canon IXUS 75 I want I want...!!!!!!

Cool camera hhhahaa

I want the MontBlanc Fragrance I want I want!!!!!!

I went on a CD shopping spree too today hahahaa bought three Horn CDs and one Tuba Cd hee hee It was on sale hahahahhaaa

The best Terapy EVER!!!! Shopping TERAPY!!!!!! hahaha sorry Ali never ask you along haha

oh well.... thats all for now.

CHOWS~

Hello

2007-04-30T12:12:00.000+08:00

Well it has been a long time since i blogged. been busy with Chamber sounds, POTO, teaching and other stuff. it has been a few hectic weeks of rushing from teaching to POTO, going for rehearsals at school then rushing to teach again. been stressing myself out with the pressure of playing well for each POTO night. so much that i fell sick and last night was by far my worst show. i had a blocked ear due to my wonderful flu and i could not hear well. so i freaked out and could not play well. the 2nd act was a disaster man. i felt dame bad after the show and felt like giving up. each night i try my best to perform well. but i just can't do it. for what reason, i don't know. I remember telling my desk partner "If i knew this (me playing badly) was going to happen i would not have taken part. I would not want the make the ensemble sound bad." night after night i feel more and more useless and i feel like i made the biggest desicion in my life. sure it is easy for others to say that "hey it was not that bad" well bad is bad and there is no such thing as "not that bad". I am no prodigy and i am certainly no talent, i worked hard over the past years but i guess at this point, I realised i have not worked hard enough. being a musician you are paid to play your music. do what you are paid for. when that goes wrong you feel that the money you earn is guilty money. Ppl pay good money to watch a musical they did not pay to hear crap. oh well.

I try and try to do the best i can but each time i keep failing at it.

anyway i would liek to share with you a pic of my idol ahahha

now isn't she just beautiful hahahaa

Anyway the only good thing i know that has happened is my thrid year results. ahahhaa not bad all A's and B's and only two c's hahahaa never have i gotten such grades hee hee. I remember that when i first stated my 3rd, i told myself i must get only A's and b's well i guess i got what i worked for hee hee so proud of myself. ahhaha

Having played so badly i now feel that my future is very slim. playing like this i don't even dare dream to go to Germany and Vienna where music is of the finest quality. so ppl are just so lucky winning scholarships, auditions, prestigious schools. sigh. i'm living a lie. who am i kidding man i guess i just be stuck here and teach primary schools haha. oh well.

This sucks. I hate making music now.

Don't ask me whty i don;t talk about it in person. cause i don;t. i don't trust anyone enough to talk about this. so pls. don't bother asking. thank you.

CHOWS~

Words....

2007-04-20T13:54:00.000+08:00

How words can do good and bad at the same is what amazes me the most. how one day one can say nice things and just make your day, at the next day just hurt your feelings with other words. I have realised that you are not a friend worth keeping. I don';t need a "friend" who changes his/her actions or words towards me just because your day was such. Last year you were really nice and fun to be around. but now i see your true colours. not only towards me but to some ppl around you. I will delete you from my life subtly, and you will not know what happened.

...................................

Why are there so many signs pointing me in the same direction. what are the ppl or event happening around me trying to say. is destiny or fate hinting to me on what is to come. I need answers and i need them badly now. I need to know what is going on in your mind so that i can be at ease. I will get my answer but looks like the whole world knows the answer except me. Too many signs can be very daunting.

...................................

Many things to do so little time. worst then being in school.

CHOWS~

Love stories

2007-04-17T10:06:00.000+08:00

I went to watch to good movies recently, one is 2oo pounds of beauty and the other Nada sousou. Two beautiful love stories that captured me so much. of the two Nada sousou was my Fav. i watched it and it touched me so much. such a beautiful story and nice music too. here is the song the movie was based on. read the english translation. very meaningful. I truly envy those who have the gift of melody and good lyric writing. so powerful especially if it touches the hearts of millions around the world. Well i can't explain in words how nice it was to watch that movie.

Nada Sousou
Lyrics: Moriyama Yoshiko

Furui ARUBAMU mekuri

Arigatou tte tsubuyaita

Itsumo itsumo mune no naka

Hagemashite kureru hito yo

Hare wataru hi mo ame no hi mo

Ukabu ano egao

Omoide tooku asete mo

Omokage sagashite

Yomigaeru hi wa nada sousou

~
Ichiban hoshi ni inoru

Sore ga watashi nokuse ni nari

Yuugure ni miageru sora

Kokoro ippai anata sagasu

Kanashimi ni mo yorokobi ni mo

Omou ano egao

Anata no basho kara watashi ga

Mietara kitto itsuka

Aeru to shinji ikite yuku

~
Hare wataru hi mo ame no hi mo

Ukabua no egao

Omoide tooku asete mo

Samishikute koishikute

Kimi he no omoi nada sousou

Aitakute aitakute

Kimi he no omoi nada sousou

ENGLISH

Turning the pages of an old photo album

I said a quiet "thank you" to you,

Who always encourages me in my heart

In a sunny day or a rainy day,

It's your smile that I remember

Even if memories dull out far away

I look for a trace, and when it comes back, my tears fall down

Praying on the first star out has become my habit

And in the darkening sky, I look for you with my heart full

In grief and in happiness

It's your smile that I remember

If you can see me from where you are

Then I live, believing that I can see you again

In a sunny day or a rainy day,

It's your smile that I remember

Even if memories dull out far away

Being lonely, and missing you,

My feelings for you bring tears falling down

Wanting to see you,

My feelings for you bring tears falling down

-Natsukawa Rimi-

POTO: 30 shows down, 32 more to go. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

I miss my Friend Mei Ling. If you read this, Hope you are doin fine and well. Take care GOd Bless.

CHOWS~

2007-04-13T09:49:00.000+08:00

You Are My sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I hung my head and cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy

If you will only say the same

But if you leave me to love another

You'll regret it all someday

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

You told me once, dear, you really loved me

And no one else could come between.

But now you've left me and love another,

You have shattered all my dreams.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

Such a beautiful song. so simple and nice yet so full of meaning. I dedicate this to YOU.

CHOWS~

I'm tyring

2007-04-09T12:27:00.000+08:00

well it has been a long time since i blogged. well it has been a trying week week for me. feeling very very demoralised and upset constantly. How some things can just get to me so easily.

Was feeling stressed about many things last week, POTO, my playing, personal problems, my future, pleasing others, tolerating ppls crap, hopeless students, bad planning etc. I hate it when ppl tell me MY mistakes, as if i do not know my MISTAKES, it would really help if ppl trusted me that i will correct my own mistakes. i'm not dumb. i can hear when its good or bad.

had one bad POTO night last week which resulted in some of the musicians talking about what happened. well some of the things they were talking about was, intonation, and bad notes etc. then my friend said this which got me thinking, "That is why i don't do music professionally, we end up talking about how bad it was and intonation etc...why can't we just make music and be happy.." well i felt it was true in some ways. true that as professional music students, we think too much about what we are doing and we forget what we are actually doing....MUSIC.

More problems with POTO, the conductor wants us to play notes better. the conductor wants the notes more. she says we have bad split notes. oh well the conductor is always right. as a result we followed orders and played with almost no mistakes. of course there were some very careless mistakes. but at the expense of music. My teacher always says, " the music is more important... no point if you are technically flawless when you have no music in you." words that i will cherish and stick by cause i believe in it. so for the POTO performances we'll be playing just notes. no expressions. sad. MUSIC has become an un-important factor nowadays. oh well. i need to earn money to get a horn.

words can hurt a person especially coming from a friend whom i never tot would say such things. how money can drive a person to be someone unexpected. sad. if i were to lose my cool this easily i would not have so many good friends now. Patience is everything. patience which i have for some ppl are much more then i have ever given. I have a new impression on you now. sadly.

Sadly money does drive the would.

Thank you God for keeping me strong when i was weak.
Thank you God for guiding me when i was lost
Thank you God for holding my tongue when i was tempted to speak evil
Thank you God for being there by my side in my weakest moment.
Thank you God for the Patience you have given me.
Thank you God for Giving me a job.

I was at my low last week. feeling like giving up whatever i was doing. and more problems just kept piling up. trying to make ends meet trying to please people around me. trying to be a good musician. trying to make my teacher proud. I'm trying...i'm truly trying.

I miss your friendship.

CHOWS~

Read if you want!!!!!

2007-03-31T17:54:00.000+08:00

why do i feel that this is not turning out to be a good year. feeling miserable all the time. I tot when school was over i'll be fine but i am flooded with more problems and stress. Failed two auditions and feeling not too good about it. sigh not good enough for Asian standards and not good enough for international standards. How do i expect myself to go further if i can't pass auditions. My future is looking very slim right now.

Had a Chamber Sounds performance in the Morning at piggy's ex-school. made loads of mistakes and i feel very irritated about it. Simple music and i can't play properly then how do i expect myself to play those masterpieces. made lots of mistakes for Zeppy's Vogue piece too. sounded like crap on the recording.

I am truly dreaming too far. tooo far for me to reach. at times even, to far for me to even dream. everyone os doing well, passing auditions, getting into presigious schools, wonder when will it be my turn. My turn to feel joy of music.

Make mistakes for POTO constantly. when will i kick this habit of missing notes and playing rubbish. probably i will end up like a musical drop out. probably end up doing another job that requires less talent and playing skill.

My dream is going further and further each day. Each day it is getting tougher to touch the stars. TOday i told those little kids at the performance "I chose to follow my dream to be a musician" did i lie. i really did chose to be one but why am i not happy. why do i feel like giving up. it is easy to say that all will be fine, but it is harder to do.

More gigs coming up, am i up to it? will there be more mistakes? sigh sigh I have to play for a another sextet and feeling worried about that, will i make the group sound bad knowing that the members in ti are like so power pack. I guess i'll just play under the radar. we'll see how it goes. the last thing i need is another mistake. cant take any more of it.

As if my music side is not enough, i have a brain filled with nagging questions, thoughts about someone, dreams that only remain a dream. why do i have so many questions about one person? am i doubtful about that person? or is there something that is going to happen and my heart is warning me? i don't know. I recently have all this day-dreams about this same person. so much so i cannot control it. everytime i am not doing anything, the person just 'pops' in my mind. I have tried erasing the memories but i can't. What are you trying to tell, tell me now pls. i am driving myself mad. I have day-dreams of a happy life with this person. but this is person is just a friend and i know it. and i know that i do not feel anyhting beyond friendship for this person. why why why? why these questions? is this the one that is affecting my playing?? help me pls.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
i have a choice to decide who i like to be around with and who i dislike. I don;t need to tell you my reasons. if i dislike your company i'll do anything to avoid it. not that i hate you, i hate your company. sorry. that is just me. if it bothers you then TOO BAD!!!!! you have become a person of little importance in my life.

CHOWS~

Random

2007-03-27T16:45:00.000+08:00

Oh well got taken out of the SNYO concert due to me not attending 3 rehersals. whlist some other ppl with worst attendance get to play. oh well that is just life, can change with a blink of an eye.

Yet another week of POTO this week and last week. not really sian about the music but i guess quite affected with why i can play this well. looking in to it.

Have you been in a situation that what you say is not what your heart wants to say or ask. well it happens to me quite often and frankly getting quite sick of it. ALways feel that i must cater my words or tots to the liking of other ppl around me. then what about my tots and feelings? shuned away i guess.

Met up with an old friend yesterday to do some catching up. talked about the future basically. talked about what we want to do and hope to archieve in the future. then we came to the ever common topic of getting attached. quite frankly until he mentioned it, i did not really think about it. I guess i don't mind NOT getting married or something like that. mainly because i don't see the immediate need for that for many reason. 1.I am not in a finacial position to support her, to get her gifts to bring her out etc. 2.I concentrate more on my music then romnace. 3.I'm afriad that the other party does not understand the things i do and the reason i do it. well there are more reasons but not for the blog hahaha. Anyway our conversation reached to the point of what if you really don't get married forever. hmmm....i'll let destiny decide and guide me in that and of course God's guidance and wisdom.

Well having a CLass Chalet next week.,.. looking forward to it hee hee. can't wait to see Zeppy jump into the pool and then the pool will be out of water hahahahaha.

3 years went by like three days. its weird it feels like i have not completed my course, but i have. after next week we go our seprate ways. archieveing our dreams, goals, schools etc. probably 10years down the road we will meet up. probably. will we stilll know each other...uncertain about that. I have made very good friends in NAFA, people who keep me going when i want to give up, ppl who put a smile on your face when it is not your good day, people who tolerate your bad and good moments.

I'll miss...

the noisy corridors
the pointless conversations we have in class
the constant teasing of teachers in class
constantly annoying Clare in class
our late nights in the school lab finishing up school assignments
Group work with people we are annoyed with ahhahahaa
the wonderful practice rooms where we share gossips. hahaha
the fighting for rooms
the weird classmates i have
the silly questions asked by clare
the Jap hour during counterpoint class
power nap sessions
people falling a sleep and knocking their heads and noses on the table
people coming late to class.
the wonderful friday lunches we have and do homewrok together.
all the RPG days
Vogue outings
Shopping
the study sessions @CCK
the group study for orchestration exam
many many more....

as you can tell there are lots of things i will miss in the school. weird i know. oh well we have to move on in life. who knows onday i'll on of my classmates as a world class soloist or an inventor of somthing maybe the composers will write for movies one day ahahaa that will be cool. hee hee...

Thats all for now hee hee

CHOWS~

Happy 150th Post...

2007-03-25T12:08:00.000+08:00

I desperately need a RESET button!!!!!!!

Correct words

2007-03-24T12:34:00.000+08:00

Well yesterday was the first show for POTO. Felt very Demoralised after the first act. Not sure why, i guess its becasue i keep missing notes or not giving a good enough sound. Feel very low that everyonelse is doing well and have a bright future which they can actually see. Feel like it is impossible to archieve my dream. Now thinking of studying in those wonderful school overseas is becoming really nothing more then a dream.

What comes easily for others, i take alot more effort to do. I can't give excuses for my mistakes cause indeed it is truly carless mistakes. sigh. not feeling the best of spirits these days.

Somestimes bottling up the things you truly feel and think inside of you is the best. I learnt this the hard way and have learnt my lesson. I should not open my mouth to tell what i really feel cause after past events it is quite obvious we are of different worlds and think differently. i'll learnt to shut myself more from you. It is for the better of the Friendship.

I wanted to get friend a present cause i tot that he/she deserves it. I was thinking about for a long time. never told anyone, never even mentioned it until now. somthing was stopping me from doing so and i was wondering what and why. it is hard to put it in words what i feel about this. so won't until i have the CORRECT words.

Problems keep mounting more and more, not sure how much more i can take. not sure if i can keep it in long enough. not sure how long i will last. I'm reaching my breaking point. I just have to hold on a while longer.

CHOWS~

School is finally over.....

2007-03-21T12:20:00.000+08:00

just finished the last of my exams yesterday. It was a sigh of relief knowing that i have gone trough 3 years of education. It felt weird Happy yet sad at the same time. Well i guess my recital went well, i made like a tone of mistakes man. i do hope i get good grades for my recital. You have no idea how i felt when i finished my recital...ending in a beautiful F note....hahahaha

for the past few days i have been in Phantom mood man. ahhahaa sort of getting sick of it already hee hee. oh well have to go trough it hee hee i have to admit it is fun...although i'm stuck in a Hot small dark orchestra pit. hee hee

"Masquerade!!!!! Paper faces on parade....Masquerade...hide your face so the world will never find you!!!!"

well you have no idea how true this is man. I guess i do that most of the time. well to some people of. those whom have no real importance or purpose in my life. Just because i put on a smile does not mean i'm ok. just because i laugh with you does not mean i agree...just because i do not react does not mean i am not fuming inside. You should be careful, i control my tongue for fear of hurting other peoples' feelings...you should too. Hold your tongue with a strong grip, it will make the world a better place to live in.

SOme people i mix with are just plain stupid and idiotic. they take every little thing for granted. I don't need people like that in my life. and i will make sure i get rid of them ASAP. this is when you need a mask. a mask to show them someone they want to see...someone they think i am. but i'm not. Some people in your life are just not meant to know you from the inside. cause y? they are too busy thinking that everything os going by their rules. SOme people do not stop for a brief moment to think weather or not the person next to me is ok. It just takes a moment to realise. When you realise you will be amazed at how many people are in the Same Masquerade party as you are.

lots of things running trough my head all the time. learning each day how control it. control it so i won't hurt those around me.

CHOWS~

Tokyo SKa Paradise Orchestra

2007-03-18T17:36:00.000+08:00

Had fun yesterday. Went to a not so typical concert ahaha. Yes i went to watch the Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra with Kitty (rocker cat), Zeppy (Rocker penguine) Mimi (conservative rocker) hee hee. hahahaa not bad i would say. the musicians are good and very impressive at some point. the thing that strick me the most is that their ensemble is very tight and solid man. and amazingly INTUNE!!!! why amazing, wll try this, play a proper melody in tune and with no shakes while shaking your Head vigorously from left to right and running around and jumping. hahahaa you will see or rather hear why. hahaha

then with for "supper" at Newton hee hee. did not eat much but we like talked about our NAFA life in year one and i found out new stuff hee hee. i realise i was not very informed then as compared to now hahahaha. it was a fun day...night rather. looking forward to more.

I love the BAch Cello suites man hee hee....

Ok from now on its all the way man to my Recital. Hoping for the best hahhaa.

here are two pic i forgot to update hee hee.... this one is me and one of my many Scandal... hahahhaa ALi and our new friend mr.Penguine Chiew. hhahahaa

Here's the one with the original Penguine meeting his new competitor hahahahahhaaa funny pic hee hee

THese pics were taken as a result of getting bored of doing our Composition work hahaha slacking at the Com Lab heeeheee...Thanks ALi for the Pics.

Well nothing else to blog now hee hee

CHOWS~

Hahaha....

2007-03-16T08:26:00.000+08:00

Last two days was mentally draining. Had the POTO rehearsal and felt very tired. not sure why but i guess its the part about remembering entries, getting the right notes and always watching the conductor. oh well. I'm sure it will be fun once the shows start.

Yesterday had like 8 hours of rehearsal, 6 hrs of POTO and 2 USELESS hrs at SNYO... Y useless well lets just say that people who needed to be responsible NEED TO BE RESPONSIBLE. just because yesterday the conductor was not going to be there, you guys took it as an excuse not to come. When the conductor is not there it is even more important that THE PRINCIPAL PLAYERS need to be there. i mean what the hell man. 4 out of 6 of the 1st player were not there. Yah i know some are dame good la and all not need rehearsal cause you think you are so power pack and all but i think the moment you have no responsibility, no matter how well you play you will not be a frequently hired musician. GROW UP ACT YOUR AGE.

You have a Schedule, USE IT!!!!!!! don't just keep it one side. If you are not coming AS PRINCIPALS MAKE SURE YOUR SECTION HAS PLAYERS!!!!! not just the 2nd players. Come on be realistic.

You were right Andris, we wasted our time rushing down for rehearsal after the long POTO rehearsal. sigh.

People still complain that SNYO rehearsal are becoming more dead, well its the people that make the orchestra not the conductor. we can make it fun if we want to. its not a one man show you see.

oh well. thats that.

CHOWS~

Thinking out loud...

2007-03-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

Was thinking about something strange. What if one day, your best friend or close friend or your BFF becomes your partner!!!!! as in BF/GF that sort of thing. What will happen then? As we all may know (or not) that a person is closer to his or her Best friend. I mean you tell your best friend everything (well almost everything). but enough to know you very well. you share secrets, gossips, thoughts, jokes, funny moments, embarrassing moments etc. then suddenly one day that wonderful Best Friend has become your partner. Yes it is true that your other half will become your best friend, but do you or would you tell him or her everything. an arguable point but this is just my view you see.

then when you have trouble with your partner, who do you turn to? your best friend of course. but in the situation that your partner is your best friend? then what? hmm well just thinking out loud. hahaha

What if one day you wake up and you realise that what ever i have been saying is going to or has the potnetial of comeing true. I am afriad. I am not ready to lose a "Close Friend" and gain a GF. I'd Rather the close friend.

Or well just thinking out loud.

Another intersting coverstion i had with a friend.

Person 1: I'd Give up my music anytime for my GF
Person 2: I'd Keep my music no matter what even if it means losing my BF

well two sides to one problem.
well not sure who i will follow but when the time comes then i'll know the answer.

CHOWS~

Almost done...

2007-03-10T20:29:00.000+08:00

haha Academic exams are over. YEAH!!!!!!!! well next week is going to be another tough week. Got the Phantom rehersals and one more exam but that is like Oral exam (Viva Voce). Then is my Recital....Arghhh.....Still not prepared!!!!!

Random :

That day was the best day of my life!!!! I felt renewed by your presence. Just what i needed, You. Just needed to see you again. Felt good felt wonderful, almost magical. Still the same old you. Good stay that way.

Well nothing much to blg actually. Alot on my mind but can't put it in my blog. some things should remain a secret.

CHOWS~

EXAM!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-05T13:09:00.000+08:00

well for now this will be my last entry until my exams are over. hahaha. well tomorrow is history listening exam. i know sounds easy, but i asure you its not. trying memorising 9 long concertos. not only that, memorise all the relevant informations like, when it was written, characteristics, composer details etc. Arghhhhh!!!!!! well trying my best we'll see how it goes. then Thursday is Counterpoint exam... arghhh another nightmare man. not very good at that subject. sigh. then finally is my final recital on the 2oth of march. arghh.... not prepared.!!!!! die man. i better start working 4times as hard.

Don't give up now...not after 3 years... this is the final push everyone!!!!!!

VICTORY!!!!!, I have finally found the answer to my nagging question about the Y problem. I am quite pleased about the result of... NO!!!! hahaha well, hmmm actually feeling abit 50/50 about my happiness about the answer. not sure if I'm happy or disappointed. or well. somethings are not meant to be. even while typing this i feel uncomfortable. well don't intend to talk about it anymore mainly because i have not talked about it to anyone, not even my closest friends.

Looking forward to the Phantom of the Opera, celebrations after school, the many Gigs we have....YEAH!!!!!!! oh well till then...

PRACTICE WORK MEMORISE

Would like to go for holiday man... Top 10 places i want to visit:

Vienna-i like i like
Germany-i want to go....i want to study there some day....
Netherlands-i like i like
China- so beautiful the rural and suburban areas.
Japan-yum yum
Korea-yum yum
Hong Kong-shop shop till i drop
Italy-i want to go
London- so ex but nice
Russia-weird but nice hahahaha

sigh only dreaming...

CHOWS~

Happy Birthday!!!!!

2007-02-28T08:42:00.000+08:00

Well yesterday was my Birthday and would like to thank all for the messages and presents. ahaahaa Thanks to; Mimi for the present, Miss Vogue for my FREE LUNCH YEAH!!!!!, Zeppy, Mimi and Miss Vogue for the Cartel...Emmmm Yum yum. Zeppy for letting me use your STOLEN EZ-link Card hahahaa. SPECIAL THANKS to Pignix for forgetting my Birthday and still attending the supper last night hahahahhaa.

What a way to grow older...Good Food with Great company !!!!! THANKS!!!!!!

I would like so share with you one of my absolute Fav Piano Concertos, Mozart Piano Concerto No 20 in D minor.

Slip of the tongue:

Cancerto
Condenza
....

Pls go for this concert... I asure you you will not regret.... GET TIX from ME!!!

CHOWS~

Seems impossible

2007-02-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

as the days go by and the dates get closer, I'm starting to feel very insecure about my recital. I am feel like giving up and just putting away what i have done. feel like i cannot make it. Watching wonderful performers like Yo-yo Ma, Cecilia Bartoli, Valentina Lisista, Vladimir Feltsmen etc, make you feel really small in this vast musical world. It is a wonder how they carry the music with such meaning and life. Something that is so hard to do yet easily accepted by the ears. How do they do it? Yes i know hard work etc. but there is more. I believe its their passion and love of music that they have that drives them to create miracles on stage. Yes wondrous magic with just notes.

How How how how....

Each time i play i feel insecure more and more. Nothing is going way i want it to. What do I want to express??? I'm still searching for that answer. Some ppl just do it with such great ease and grace. They just have it i guess.

Music is a Language, a language i still do not understand. A language i am learning and trying to understand. Failing along the way....

"I need a listener not a person to tell me what to do..."

CHows!

2007-02-23T19:17:00.000+08:00

TO my Dearest one....

with LOve!!!

READ AT YOUR OWN WILL!!!!!!

2007-02-23T18:47:00.000+08:00

Recently my emotions have be going on a wild rage. Finding harder and harder to control it. Finding harder to hide it.

Why hide it?

For the safety of others of course. I come across ad a person that does not make sense, dose not have a clue of what is happening. A person that things for himself. Well think what you want, I don't really care. But yes for your safety, and your friendship, i will not let you see my true self. It is only a matter of time before all is over. I think. Or is there more i need to endure.

Why endure something so unpleasant?

For the goodness i gain out of it after the long and painful wait.

Sophisticated, Elegant, Poise, style....you think you are. No no no. I don't think so. You are the number one person i need to get out of my life. cause i have and am still tolerating all the crap and shit you give me. I will wait for when you are at your weakest, i will wait for when you need me the most...at that very moment, i will stab you in the heart and let you bleed, bleed like there is no tomorrow. Ever since that unfaithful day, I have changed my impression of you, I now know who you really are, a true cunning fox in sheep's clothing. I regret your friendship and i will correct that in the most merciless way possible

Behide my smile there is another person, a person that is truly me. Hard to except yes, impossible no. A person that i sometimes let out. A person i let some ppl see.

Am i living a real life Masquerade...Yes I am. aren't we all. We're all in the same party, just that we don't know who is behide which Mask. Judge me all you want, I'll do my best to not show you I'm troubled by it. But do forgive me when i do the same to you.

Me plunging in self-pity..... That's what you think. Its my Blog and its my FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!! SO FUCK OFF IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!!

Apology to those who are disturbed by that.

I try to be the best Friend i can but seems like i always fail at it. oh well.

Know thy self.

what you are VS what you THINK you are. You are obviously living in a world of lies, thinking of your superior intelligence and capabilities.... well then how come you are so not successful in what you are doing...or rather, TRYING to do.

Sorry to all...above all sorry to myself for neglecting who i truly am.

Getting attached???

2007-02-21T20:52:00.000+08:00

Hello all,

Well First of all HAppY CHinese NEw YeaR!!!!!!!! Oink Oink!!! gaagaa.

Had a very interesting with a friend recently, well we talked about being in a relationship and getting married and also what a girl might look for in a guy and vice-verse. It was interesting cause , i did not know that she would talk about this kind of thing hahaha. interesting. Well i got a good point of view from a girl of What women Want... ahhahaha like CNN news hee hee.

We came to a conclusion that, either side should except and love the other no matter what, for better or worst, for in sickness and in health, and for Poorer or Richer. hmmm never knew i''ll look at this words like this in my life. i guess i finally did. how did this come about? well it was when i said "As guys we would like to support our wife the best we can. and in doing so we need to get a good job and support here financially and emotionally. basically the guy needs to be earning well and have a good job" and she said "no. not necessary to be earning lots of money. just be happy with your job and support the best you can. cause in the end, it is the love you married for not the money" well said of course. but i guess as guys, we would like to be a sole bread winner of the family. i guess its about integrity and responsibility. hmm. well i guess its the way different sexes think hee hee.

Enjoyed that conversation!!!!

Anyway have be having weird dreams lately. lots of dreams about getting attached and married. scary man. its weird especially when you don't think it will happen anytime soon. hmmm. confused.

Exams are nearing and giving it all i got for the final push to freedom. Cherishing every moment spent with my wonderful classmates, schoolmates and the Vogues.... i will truly be very upset to see all of them go. 3 years of friendship, hardship, laughter, sadness, anger, joy, love, and most of all Good food with even Greater Company.... :( :(

Hope to over come it sooon.... Right now....

To the Graduating Class of 2007:

RECITAL RECITAL!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE WAY MAN!!!!!!

CHOWS~

Valentina Lisitsa

2007-02-19T17:44:00.000+08:00

hi all, this is an entry dedicated to my fav female pianist Valentina Lisitsa!!!!! she is dame cool and dame good lah. i have placed some wonderful vids of her playing. enjoy. heard that she is coming to singapore. A must Watch!!!!

Chows~

Mozart and more Mozart!!!

2007-02-15T21:53:00.000+08:00

Everytime I play Mozart, I never fail to fall in love with his music. So simple yet complex at the same time. I played the Symphony no.40 in g minor yesterday with my school orchestra. Hmm not too good but was ok la. the horn part are tough no doubt. I remember saying "I feel like dying when i play this piece man!!!!" hahahaa well i did not but i liked the piee more and more now. so beautiful and so full of emotions man. I love Mozart!!!! hmm wonder if i can get to play another Mozart symphony soon hee hee. its hard and tough work but the music is rewarding...that matters the most.

Well very busy at school....forgive me if i have neglected anyone. i'll pay back the time when i'm more free.

Feeling weird recently...actually for a long time. I got this weird feeling about something...call it Y. something in the back of my mind tells me that Y is happening but part of me denies it. confused really. don't want to jump to conclusion so as to avoid embarresment. hmmm...will think about it. hahhaa

CHOWS~