Well today the 28th of dec, i feel the sorrow i felt a couple of years back. The lost of a dear friend. A friend which i could always count on for emotional and physical support. I friend i so dearly miss. I did not even get to say good bye to you. You left me here to see you go. To remember you in memories. I miss your voice, your laughter, your lame jokes that always made my day. I miss everything about you. Even your horrible attitude to me sometimes.
I guess it is really too late to tell you all that i feel for you. I can only now tell you in my prays to you. I sometimes lay on my bed, thinking of all the good and bad times we've had and how i wished i had more of that. Crying to myself in regret. regret in everything. regret not telling you how i truly felt about you. You are now happier and peaceful. and that makes me happy too. I miss you smile my dear friend!!! ----- I guess no one reads blogs anymore. with the increasing popularity of FB, it is hard to keep thoughts private like in a blog. FB, once you say the wrong thing, the whole WWW knows. sians.
The memories in this blog is the sole reason why i do not want to shut it down. I live on memories. -----
I feelings inside of me right now are really all mixed up. Good, bad, happy, angry, sad, joyous, frustrated, disappointed etc. I regret doing certain things really. I know i have always been telling my students and close friends, always do things with no regrets. but here i am having tons of it. Sometimes i regret knowing you. My life has turned upside down. You may not feel like you affect me much, but you do. I don't tell ppl such stuff cause they probably thing i'm nuts. you are better off without me in your life, hindering your progress to greater excellence. I'm so so proud of you thus far. and i'm honored to have grown up and known you. I feel that you can truly change the world. Theres more that i would love to say but can't.
been finding it hard to concentrate on my work lately. Not only work, on pretty much everything. Practicing, rehearsals, ...and the worst was when i was watching a movie with some friends, i just lost all concentration on everything around me. Even as i eat an innocent meal, be it alone or with others, i just can't concentrate on anything.
Well i think i have fallen for L again. It was that one late night out with her and everything came back. all the memories, fun times, good'ol stories...everything.
Meet some friends that night for some drinks, during the night i got an sms from L and i was so happy that my eyes and heart nearly popped out. I could not think about anything else. after the drinks i decided to go meet L. well i guess we do crazy stuff just to meet the person you really want to see.
Got made fun off and misunderstood for meeting her that night but i don't give a FUCK!!!
Well as usual i was so happy to see her that i could feel myself smiling ear to ear...even at 3am in the morning. after all these years i still have no courage to tell her how i felt about her. I guess i'm very contented with her company. I feel that somtimes we take the company of our friends for granted. I know many people like the idea of clubbing, pubing, drinking and partying the night away, but for me, simply sitting at the neighbourhood kopitiam having some nice classic hawker food and drinks with someone to talk to is really good enough. It does not take much to please me, just something done with a good heart.
went home quite late that night, but to be honest, i could not sleep since then. I have been thinking about you none stop. seriously. I'm literally going mad and fighting the endless battle in my mind. Seeing and hearing you out with others just breaks my heart but i know you are happy so i will stay away and watch you from afar.
I cherish every moment i spend with you. It is like spending time with my angel. I feel at peace and my heart beats in a comfortable tempo. I know that these moments are rare and i never know when i will see you again. I'm guilty in the fact that i take pictures of you in my mind, when you are sad, happy, angry etc. so that i can see them in my mind before i sleep.
I'm crazy over you and yes i'm falling for you again.
Really sorry for not updating for like a uber long time. Well this is like the peak period of my work year. feeling stressed about the current trip and its preparations. Really wish sometimes people would support you rather then make the situation worst for you. Honestly i find it hard to please everyone.
Being in this organization has taught me one thing, how to just do what you are told. Which i personally feel should not be the way. Just because you are higher up does not mean you are always right.
Anyway been thinking about L again lately...I thought i have found closure but i guess i just put it one side. I have been trying to find a way to get her out of my mind and my life. It is never going to work out. She has become a person i do not know anymore but still i can't forget her. Even till this day i still think about the day we met and the things that happened. I was so happy then. Sometimes i really wish i did not meet her. Wished that i had listened to my inner voice and just ignored the meet up. I still ask myself Why did I choose to meet her. L has captured my heart and mind for so many many years and still i have no courage to face her in person.
after countless attempts of telling her the things that she should not do and stuff, i can now only sit and watch from afar. watch her kill herself slowly. and i cannot do anything. I feel frustrated and helpless now. Why does she not listen??!?!?! You tell me you take this friendship seriously and yet you do the things i dislike right infront of my face with so much joy. What have you become?
YOu have always been like a little sis to me. I have always been there to make sure you are alright and always there to catch you when you fall.
I see now that you don't need me anymore. I can only now watch from afar...praying that you will be alright and that you will see my point one day.
sorry to post this after so long...i guess i was just keeping it inside for too long.
WARNING: This is going to be a relatively long entry. I do hope you read it and enjoy it. haha.
Well it has been so long since i updated my blog. Yes i know i say that very often. I like to update when i feel like it. I am not one of those bloggers that blog everyday and at the end of the week summarise the wholes weeks entries. I feel that that is pretty waste of time. I mean to each his own.
February... my favourite month of the year. Well apart from it being my Birthday month, it is also the month of LOVE!!! Valentine's Day!!! haha yes V day was pretty fun. Went out with two of my close Friends for a nice dinner and walking aimlessly and bitching and laughing in the middle of no where. here are some pics. the rest are on My facebook. We went to eat a California Pizza. Wonderful place. Long Q but well worth the wait. YUMYUM!! Up next on the Events list is Clare's 33rd Year of Life Celebration!!! ahaha I just love to call it that. We surprised him and Ginny cooked a wonderful dinner for us. What made this day even more special? well we placed 33 candles on a blackberry crumble pie HAHA it was dame difficult and everything was falling apart. It was truly hilarious. Pic of Clare posing with the "cake" and the next pic of him laughing uncontrollably at the 33 candles. ahhahaa HAPPY B'DAY CLARE!!!
Then it was my turn... YEAH!!!!! Clare brought us to this really nice place called SUNSET GRILL at Seletar camp area. It was really different and beautiful. although we did not catch the sunset, the food made up for it. We had their famouse buffalo wings which were super duper good and spicy and fiery YUMYUM. we tried level 1 and 2 and it was good. next, level 3 and 4. ahhaha HERE I COME!!! ahhaha
I had one more birthday surprise from Lau li. hee hee. met up with her and she just bought me a present and we watched a movie and after that we played with sparklers... hee hee thats new. ahhaa i really enjoyed it and it was very thoughful of you Lau Li... THANKS!!!!
I got a present that i wanted to buy that same afternoon. Lucky me hahaha!!!
Now we hit March!!!!!
Changing of Guards by Central Band hee hee. This was like my 3rd or 4th time doing hee hee. It is known as the most fun parade in our unit. hee hee. We had a new addition this time. NIX is on parade too!!! hahaha more friends to suffer with me hee hee
Me and Clare...congrates on the new promotion!!!!
Next up Japanese dinner at Ginny's... well it was suppose to be at her house but you see, she ran out of gas and it was too late to get a replacement so all of us switched to catering and brought everything to Clare's house to cook and eat hee hee... tiring, frustrating, annoying and angry... that was what we felt. but the whole evening was fun and memorable. Thanks Ginny again!!!! we had a 9pm planned dinner at 130am hee hee..... interesting. Wonderful cooking by ginny paid off.
At her house
At Clare's Lift with everything in our hands hahahaa all smiles!!!!!!Our 130am dinner hee hee....Finally!!!!
Well that was my Feb and March in a short and consise way as possible. hee hee. I guess from the way you see each event, you could say it was a foody two months. hee hee. Did i gain weight? NO!!!!! hahahaa infact believe it or not. i lost a further 2KG. hahaha Great.
I Feel wonderful leading this somewhat sorty lifestyle. I eat what i want now and exercise alot. I feel great and i was to look great. Of course there are those that just don believe i am losing weight. hee hee... Machines don lie!!!
June 15 2007 weight: 122kg/268pounds April 1st 2009 weight: 76.5KG/167pounds
weight lost:46kg YEAH....
4kg away from my goal of 72kg or less and a BMI of less then 24.5...then well i be in the cat. of NORMAL!!!! almost there. June 14 2009 will be the day!!!
For those who have yet to know, I am now a full-time military personnel. Hmm not sure weather it is a good thing or not, i will take a step at a time. Sometimes people at work just make you hate your job alot. I am learning to cope with this and trying to let it not get to me.
Been feeling Jealous of about a certain situation latey and i find it hard to control and avoid. I feel so irritated by it and feel like.... Jealousy..one of the cardinal sins. Sigh. Jealous of friends.
I have come to understand and realise that waiting for others only reduces the number of opportunities i have to do the things i love. Because of waiting, i have missed watching movies, doing other activities, sports and watching concerts, eating at places etc.
I can't stand it anymore. I am literally watching my Life pass me by. A new resolution for me, I do what i want when i want. I can't be bothered to wait for others. I don't see the need. Why should I when others don't bother waiting for me.
It has indeed a difficult Jan for me. Emotionally, physically, etc. Having to deal with people at work with a Plastic Smile is just killing me. But i guess everyones has to do that in order to survive each day and get on with their lifes. Anyway Jan was also the Band Master selections and the results were pretty depressing. none of the participants got it. Instead they are re-opening the selection with a lower requirement and a higher age limit. I think that sucks. It makes my Dip look useless. Oh well. I will still be trying for the next one. Wish Me Luck!!!
This Feb was pretty nice to have gone out with Lau Li and Nix. Was nice to sit down and laugh and in a way enjoy our youth. I just felt abit at ease when i went out with them that day. Looking forward to our V-Day outing hahaha. here are some pics.
I went to watch the Thaipusam festival too at Little India. Call it "Getting back to my Race" haha/ I really liked it alot. I do truly admire the devotion they have and the lengths they have to go for their religion. here are some pics too...
Anyway this is the month of Love and I am enjoying it so far. I Like this month alot for many reasons. I just feel more alive. My 'New Year' is coming and i have prepared a set of "resolutions" too.. stay tuned for that yah...
Well its that time of year...the start of a new year. The time we feel most fresh in mind body and soul and it is also the time of year that we decided what we want to do for the year. Simply called Resolution. Musically, a perfect Cadence. For me I like writing my set of resolutions and always pray that atleast most of it would happen and i would try to make it happen.
Last year was both fruitful and yes ugly in all sense of the word. The best parts of 2008 would be, getting into the Main Band, going to Quebec, passing my IPPT, Writing a piece in memory of a friend who has passed on, losing more weight, getting fitter. Yes i have truly enjoyed doing ll of these stuff. The ugly; annoying colleagues that just make your workplace unpleasant, peoples true character, others expecting too much from you, hadly meeting up with ppl i wanted to see and many more i do not wish to list down.
Anyway 2008 is over and i will leave it there.
Travel to 3 new places out of Singapore
Lose more Fats and get fitter
Join a Marathon
Compose 3 pieces
Not care about people so much...
Find my other half.
Have a spectacular Christmas
Try more Cocktails, Wine and Beer..
play in a Chamber group and have a performance.
Well there are more but I will not list it all out hee hee.
i PRAY for a wonderful, peacful, and happy year ahead. Laugh more, eat more, Live Life more!!!!
This is by far the worst most sucky Christmas ever. I HATE CHRISTMAS TO THE MAX...well not including the spiritual obligations like going to church etc. I just feel so screwed up this christmas. nothing seems to be going right and i don't seem to have the christmas spirit in me this time round.
Last year my Dad passed away, this year my Grandma was in the hospital for like a week and celebrating is just not right when things like this happen. I just did not feel the joy and happiness i usually do when it is December. I feel so weak and bored. On top of that this was the period i lost a close friend and all the memories keep coming back and haunting me each night. To a peace myself i have written a piece in memory of my friend. To be played by my friend Clare next year. I hope it will be nice.
I did my best this Christmas to meet up with friends which i have not seen in a while. I met my BMT friends and had a NAFA Class gathering, went out with my "Alumni" friends. I am sort of looking forward to next year. I wish to make the next Xmas a spectacular one and no way am i going to let anything stop me.
I feel that i am too nice to people and i also have to take people's crap and be their shit bin. When i decide to be an evil person everyonelse says stuff like, "i don like you this way" or "can you stop it" etc. but when they are having a bad day, i dare say that i do my best to make you feel better or at the very least, not annoy you further. I think i should be a mean person and not care about other ppl's feeling. why should I... I am freakin' pissed about it.
I'm looking forward to a brighter and better year next year. i want to REALLY do things that i have not done before and to the best of my abilities LIVE LIFE to the fullest.
Christmas can't get any worst!!!! Apart from the gathering and outings i had, the only other thing i enjoyed was going on to youtube and listening to christmas carols and those less common ones too.
Well nothing else for this SUCKY XMAS....
You have been graced by MR.VoGue at -9:51 AM-
|Not ToTally All (B|uE) abt Me...ReaD and DiscoVer|
All Hail *bow* (Name): Mr.VoGue
D.O.B:27th Feb 1985